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UnknownHeard recently  …

….. ok, let’s look at it this way. You know where you are at any one time. Let’s say it’s a place you’ve been at a thousand times. Let’s say it’s a Starbucks’s at the mall that you’ve walked past a hundred times on the way to some other store. You’re walking a well-worn path. You pretty much know what’s going to happen along the way. Basically, the same shit that always happens which is …. Shit … nothing. you look at bored faces who are looking at you looking bored. Right?

Oh …. I get it. You’re going to tell me about something that happened out of the ordinary, right?

Right! So, let’s say you’re walking past Starbucks’s and a guy in front of you trips falls because he’s wearing crocks and because of this event you …

You had to remind me you wear those stupid things didn’t you ………

… run into the guy and the package you are carrying flys out of your arms and the high heeled shoes inside the box fly out and go sliding across the floor.

I don’t wear high heeled shoes you know that!

Well I know that but, that’s the first thing I thought of so, just play along, ok? Remember, there’s something different about these situations. You may have been returning a pair of high heeled shoes for a friend or something.

Ok… Ok …

So, you’re standing there. You’re totally embarrassed. There’s a guy on the floor and your shoes are out there three or four feet apart. People are walking around your shoes. Some of them almost fall. People are laughing or smiling at the situation. Someone says, “Oops,” and laughs. It’s really busy. A big guy in a Harley t-shirt and a pony tail comes along and steps on one of the shoes and breaks the heel off. He almost falls. Instead, he stumbles. You are mortified. All of this happens really quickly. So it’s like, one minute your world is calm and familiar. The next minute you are down on one knee trying to retrieve your shoes. One of them is broken. The big guy with a Harley t-shirt is standing there wondering what to do. The shoe box is open and the little piece of tissue paper is lying there.

I don’t want something like that to happen to me.

Of course you don’t! But that’s not the point …

I know, I couldn’t resist …

…. So, here’s what happens next. The guy who you bumped into you, looks over at you … he’s on all fours trying to help, scrambling for your shoes and the tissue paper … when he turns his head and looks straight into your eyes. He’s studying your face and he has a big grin on his face. He’s wondering if you think the situation is as funny as he sees it.    He’s looking for someone to play with, actually.

If I’m hip to the situation, right?

Right!  So, you feel yourself lighten up because you sense the way he’s feeling which is that, the situation is totally ridiculous. It’s like nothing that has ever happened to you in your life so …

So, it’s totally NOT the same shit that happens every day. Voila … I’m out of my trance, right? So, tell me more about this guy with the big grin who likes my eyes. Is he good looking? Could you get him to buy me a cup of coffee at Starbucks for all the …..

Be quiet. The guy’s ME for crying out loud ,..

Well you know I like that latte …

… so, the guy is looking at you and he says, ‘’Well shit. I just bought a pair of shoes just like that.’’ and before he finishes the sentence, he starts laughing kind of uncontrollably. He says, ‘’ .. oh my god,’’ under his breath so you can barely hear him. His laughing is barely under control all the while he tries to put the shoes back into the box. He forgets to put the tissue in which makes him laugh even more. He’s in control but barely. You expect to see him roll on the floor laughing any second.

The guy gets a big kick out of himself doesn’t he?

Let’s just say this guy loves it when the ordinary world turns upside down.

Pause …

So what happens next?

For some reason, you start to laugh. There’s something about the total ridiculousness of the whole situation.  It’s so incredibly different from what you are used to.  There’s something about the guy’s face,  or his laugh. Or both. It’s so honest. Spontaneous. It seems like he’s telling you the truth about the absurdity of the situation. It almost seems like he set the whole thing up for your enjoyment. Like everything that happened is SUPPOSED to be funny. So, all you have to do is go with the flow …

Sounds like I’ve been seduced because the situation is so ‘ridiculoso’ …

… all of the sudden, time stops. It seems like no one is paying attention anymore. The people walking by cease to exist. They’re blurs walking by but you don’t really care. You’ve been drawn into this situation and since the your world has changed so much … pause …  it’s pretty obvious … pause … it’s not the same world anymore!  Does this make sense to you?

Cool!  I’m an astronaut on the Planet Mall, right?  

Good … so, when the guy picks up the broken shoe he looks up at the Harley guy and says, ‘’Did you say you wanted to try these on?’’ The Harley guy smiles and shakes his head from side to side. There’s a nice looking middle aged woman who’s standing by watching. The guy who tripped is still laughing under his breath. He says to the woman, ‘’Do you know anybody with one leg?” … and she says, ‘’Not at the moment,’’ and they both laugh before she moves on with a smile on her face. ‘’Bye … .’’  The woman raises her hand to wave good bye as she is walking away. You can tell she’s got a big smile on her face.  O.K. so then, The Harley guy starts to apologize and …..

Boy, you just reached out and brought that Harley guy right out of the Hells Angels world there didn’t you?  It must be nice to be able to create your own reality.

“Well, yeah .,.. ! That’s what this is all about!  Well, you know this scenario could go on and on forever. In the end, the Harley guy might tell you to go in and have a cup of coffee while he returns the shoes.  Or, the guy with the crocs who fell and started it all, might ask you what your first name is. You tell him and he says … “Ohhhh yeah, I knew a cheerleader with that name.’’

I HATE being typecast as a cheerleader!

But, for some reason this cracks you up. Your face is all red. The guy seems to know it bugs the shit out of you to be typecast as a cheerleader. Then he says, “Nawww, you don’t look like a cheerleader but, you could be a clarinet player.’’ He says it with sly grin on his face like, he knew all along about the cheerleader thing … AND the clarinet. So now you’re laughing and your mouth is open because you’re aghast … and that’s because you played clarinet in the band. You think, how in the hell did he know? The guy tells you it’s been nice running into you. He’s still looking right into your eyes and you feel a kind of attachment. You don’t know what all of this is about, but it seems like something strange and wonderful had happened.

Was the Harley guy good looking too. Whoops, I hate those pony tails on grown men.

All of the sudden you realize the world is back the way it was. People are walking by. You’re standing with this guy having a friendly conversation. Just for the hell of it, the guy touches your arm and says, ‘’You have a nice face.” You’re caught off guard again. You don’t know what to say. As he walks away he turns his head and says, ‘’and the funniest shoes.” You notice he’s laughing. Then, he’s gone.

I was hoping we’d walk down to Sears with me to buy a Craftsman skill saw that was on sale that day … ..

I bet you’ve always wanted a circular saw, haven’t you?

Hey man … you live in your world, I’ll live in mine.

But the guy was me, remember?

Well ok. When you’re done talking, do you want to drive over to Sears with me? I hear there’s a sale on tools …

You crack me up.

Pause …

naw, I won’t go there … well, maybe later. So … where was I? ….


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