Category: Flash Fiction
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How the G Note Gave Me A Neck Ache
continued … maybe I muttered something like, ‘’well, you know how it goes,” blah, blah blah, when suddenly the woman named Linda (who’s pretty aggressive) says rather forcefully, “Why do you think phones were invented?!’’ continued … The first thing I thought was, what the hell kind of bullshit attitude is this? Was she trying to put me on the spot to test my mettle…
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Where’s My Passport? Look Under the Underwear You Idiot!
I was conflicted. Should I return the money or go on a spending spree? I thought about going to Brazil or Paraguay or even Chechnia but, I couldn’t find my freeking passport! I looked all over the place! I got so tired of looking I said, “Screw it! I’ll stay home and watch the Ali Foreman fight on T.V.!” The…
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It All Started At the Lodge That Sunday Night: The End
continued: I saw the glint she gets in her eyes when she thinks there’s a bar within reach. – II – “What are you looking at?” I asked. “Why don’t we go to the lodge so I can warm up by the fire and have a brandy?” I shrugged my shoulders. “Why not? Maybe we could have a steak afterward.” But, she…
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My Conversation With the Cat
My Conversation With the Cat While my wife and I sipped morning tea I told my cat she was beautiful. She squinted her eyes, flicked one ear, dropped to the floor, walked across the back of the ottoman, her tail the only thing visible, looking like a curved round feather moving along the edge, turned right then, right again…
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Bluegills
Bluegills We bought two cardboard containers packed with 15 or 20 corn bores covered in loose black muck, at a farm five miles from town before turning off the black top then, another three miles along a gravel road, snow plowed high on both sides, past farmers fields barely visible stretched white to the gray horizon,…
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The Creature From the Black Canal
The Creature From the Black Canal They kept warning me about the alligator they saw paddling around the canal in back of the house but, I scoffed at their advice. “I need to whack those weeds along the canal bank! They’re unsightly!” I said. I waited until mid afternoon so I could work in the shade…
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Becka
Earlier, she ate chips and salsa off paper brought to swimming pool’s edge, earlier than earlier. Later, he came with hot coffee sipping looking beyond ahead in front, silently. ‘I bet you can’t drink that whole thing,” she said her voice behind. ‘No. But I can take a really big gulp.’ Chugging, eyes closed vision;…
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Miriam
Miriam He told me about the time he was at the hospital a year ago at the same time he would be at the same hospital this year, in the same room where last year he suffered the same procedure as he would be suffering this year .. exactly a year later. He told me…
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Deadbeat Amputee
Deadbeat Amputee Oh! Hi! … OH! Jeeze. Hi … Hey, you know what? I’m a bad person! I was tied up for a whole week so I couldn’t send you the money. My wife finally came home from Borneo and untied me from the hose I got wrapped up in when I fell hosing the back porch…
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Grand Canyon Phil
Grand Canyon Phil Lynn started having severe headaches a year and a half after marrying Phil who considered himself a libertarian pledged to be a pain in the ass to every person he met. One summer they were on vacation at the Grand Canyon riding donkeys down a trail along the canyon wall around 200 feet above the Rio Grande.…
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Setting Free the Birds
Setting Free the Birds I was the smoking monitor for ten patients, in the screened porch one day. I lit their cigarettes. They smoked and we talked. Next to me sat gracious, sweet southern born Clara, her ankles swollen twice their size, blue, onion thin skin, ripped and torn, wrapped in gauze. Deserted by her children, she lives in a movable…
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Where There Were Snakes
Where There Were Snakes .. 250 Words When I was a boy, we caught garden snakes in a field next to a place called the Tub Factory over by the railtracks. We trapped the snakes by stepping on their tails. We’d pinch them behind their heads, pick them up, look at their flickering tongues and peer…
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Flip the Bird
Flip the Bird I was driving south on U.S. 41 in the middle lane around five thirty, hungry as hell, anxious to get home but not looking forward to another microwave chicken pot pie (I hate to cook when i have to eat by myself) when I spotted my favorite Italian restaurant so I thought,…
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The Amphibian
The Amphibian Occasionally the amphibian/rose out of the water/climbed the dune then clamored along the sandy lane in front of the cabin. If we were lucky we got to see it lumbering past dripping water, it’s propellers still spinning, balanced on six huge tires taller than me, three on each side in the middle/it’s two powerful diesel engines roaring, the air…
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All Things Good and Wonderful
Overheard at Motel 6. “I slept like a log and pooped like a logger pooping out a log! I feel I could eat my weight in sawdust!”
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Nick and Jessica Ask: Why Was the Telephone Invented? Was I Because Of the G Spot?
Here’s a funny one that happened at the office the other day, Jessica.. Lay it on me Nick. Oops! Did that come out wrong? I think you said, ”Lay on me?” He he he … ! Shut up Nick . Maybe I did but … tell the frickin’ story will you? (Nick and Jessica smile at…
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Elizabethan Songs
In the village of the offspring/they kept true what they believed/they kept their secrets to themselves. Each stem and root among them grew/the tallest oaks and elms/and there were many! living there as well/foxes/and hens/deer and rabbit/ pheasants, starlings, doves. The dove! Beautiful light of angelic heart. It’s the dove’s first song/that leads…
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Fall Tragedy: The Lost Tapes
….. I didn’t want to try and fit the slapping incident or the into my normal routines, the sense of security that all kids need. *** Kids don’t want change. They fear change when it’s even a little close to their radar. They depend on stability to keep the vicissitudes of life at bay…
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Reliving the Moment One More Time
She faced downward, her spine curved, one side of her face drooped. He held her hand, wiped the drool from her mouth. They seldom spoke. Their hands spoke for them. I pictured her as a slender and beautiful young woman. Was she a good dancer? Did she have children? I imagined them kissing with…
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Where There Were Snakes Reprinted January 22, 2015
When I was a boy, we caught garden snakes in a field next to a place called the Tub Factory over by the railtracks. We trapped the snakes by stepping on their tails. Pinching them behind their heads we picked them up, looked at their flickering tongues and peered into their angry, cold eyes. Their…
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Zumba My Ass – Part II
continued … ‘’call 911 yourself you clumsy idiot … it’s all your fault … ! ’’ she said he had to fish the phone out of his back pocket … (which isn’t an easy task when you’re lying on the floor with a broken shoulder) … but the battery was dead … ! ….. a moment later she came back into the…
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Where’s My Passport … ? Look Under the Underwear You Idiot … !
I was conflicted … should i return the money or go on a spending spree … ? ….. i could have gone to Brazil or Paraguay or even Chechnia but … i couldn’t find my passport … ! ….. i looked all over the place … ! ….. i got so tired of looking i said…
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A Day In The Life IV
continued …. some barn shots to put in the barn file …then i said … fuck … i’ve got to take a shower and get the hell out of here … … so finally i took a shower … and got dressed … i wanted to go out but i looked at that sunburst mirror, remembered i hadn’t taken the measurements then i looked…
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I Love Sugar I Love Sugar …
… Seconds later I watched them fly over the tops of the trees cawing as they flew away … Shortly after saying good bye to the crows, I walked through the front door just in time for dinner; tender strips of chicken thighs pounded into cutlets and a vegetable salad made with these tiny nuts called quinoa.…
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The Bob Middleton Story
Winner First Annual Little Monster Girl Award For Excellence I watched Bob navigate perilously close to high cliffs, in imminent danger from falling cans of tomato sauce if he made a clumsy Y turn. After we paid for his food, I loaded everything into the car and we drove to his apartment where I helped him pack his walker full of…
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Tea With the Cat and Me
While my wife and I sipped morning tea I told my cat she was beautiful … ….. the cat squinted her eyes, flicked her ear (telling me she understood) then, dropped to the floor turned and walked across the back of the ottoman she had been lying on … (her tail moving along the edge like a curved…
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– Russell –
She sat against an angular chair tipped back, legs propped on a railing, relaxed, half in sleep, trusting …. ….. Their streams of picture words meandered along common pathways … ….. They were two old friends with shared lives from the beginning of time … ….. He spoke with gravely, slow resonance of past glory, sad love taken … crazy…
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Another You Know … Death!
my neck cracked when i stopped falling … barely touching the ground … two inches more and i’d be dead …
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You Know …. Death!
You know … DEATH … ! Death and i have brushed shoulders many times in my Life … for example … ….. One day i found a loaded deer rifle at home in the closet down stairs: but, i didn’t know it was loaded … !! ….. i pulled the cocking lever back and forward like the Rifleman…
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Within the Lakes and Fields of Life
… (we) wrapped our fists around handfuls of wool and rode them bareback. They skittered away along the fence line when we even came close to approaching them.
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A Larger World
… I pirouette through space and time with them/We share eyes and light streams …
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Ex-It
I feel an angry black whirlwind blowing against me./My emotions churn within. Dust, dirt, bits of/stone sting my eyes and ears … batter my face. I can’t think. The fierce wind is too loud; the black/wind blows through my eyes and swirls within my brain./I blindly grope for something – anything – any fucking/thing to hold on to…
Tales From A Midcentury Boy / Growing Up in Michigan 
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