Fred and Ethel February 25, 2018February 25, 2018 By late stage marriage most men want to spend their days talking while most women just want to be left the fuck alone! … Oh jeez! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to do that. Speaking of being LEFT ALONE I’d like to tell you a story but, may I prefix my blabber with a short statement before we begin. There are two states of LEFT ALONE. LEFT ALONE! by choice. LEFT ALONE by circumstance. With that in mind; I’d like to introduce you to Fred and Ethel Steen married 40 plus years both have needs that after lifetimes have yet to be fulfilled ….. and yet … ! they have endured. -Poor Fred- I mean that literally! Born to a poor family in a poor Memonite neighborhood outside Philadelphis his father a bread baker, life was not easy they spent way too much time surviving/ time taken ‘way from/ what it takes to know what “happy family” means … He grew into the army by 17, went to war came home, became a pipe fitter, married Ethel, His favorite saying was always, “That’s shit.” Oh! Did I tell you? Fred’s a bit older than Ethel But not by that much. She’s 70. He just turned 100. On another “Poor Fred” level …. “Poor Fred” refers to his intense need and desire to be loved just like everyone else but, without a clue how to “do” it. or even what it looks like! The only way Fred knows how to ask for or show affection is by displaying aggressive behavior resulting in the thing we fear so intently!!!!! the vicious circle !!!!!!!!!!! There’s nothing worse than being dragged kicking and screaming into a viscous circle, it’s like being tossed head first into a front loading washing machine. I hate those things! I don’t even want to go there. On the other hand … Ethel just wants to be left alone …….. It’s sad that Ethel never fulfilled Fred’s need for love. I’m sure she tried and and tried but she had to have given up a long time ago. Sad but, here’s the rub … Ethel will tell you they talk often. Ethel’s words to Fred are angry resentful words dripping with finality after a lifetime of frustration contained within his presence. Her voice an instrument she plays with timbre and tone and volume to convey her thoughts with words that ricochet off walls -Their Talk- Talk is not the language they speak. Words strung together carefully chosen words honed to perfection; constant reminders words searing or sublime with anger honed like sharp knives words ….. …… words chosen reverberating with unknown vibration words with more than meaning … words deflecting the tonality of ‘being. . from years of non abuse, abuse casual abuse. They forged the scars of their failures into emotional exchanges using word triggers that trigger words triggering bullets of sadness, anger, humiliation and regret. I’m glad I didn’t know Fred when he was his “WHOLE asshole self. -She’s Tired- Ethel is tired of being a caregiver to an abusive man. She slams the door he crashes his walker against her door. Sitting on the couch that afternoon watching The Pickers and the Pawn guys on the ‘boob’ Fred searched for words to tell his story. His fragmented thoughts came with softness easy to bridge the spaces between with meaning his sad regret and wonderment, his bewilderment wrapped ’round the confused meaning of broken thought. Ethel just wants time to be left alone. So, Fred waits, mostly in private, a prisoner of his loneliness in forlorn despair wondering what it is he still yearns for wondering if he’ll ever get it ….. Share this:TwitterLinkedInRedditPocketPinterestPrintEmailMoreFacebookLike this:Like Loading... Related