The Creature From the Black Canal
They kept warning me about the alligator they saw paddling around the canal in back of the house but, I scoffed at their advice. “I need to whack those weeds along the canal bank! They’re unsightly!” I said.
I waited until mid afternoon so I could work in the shade of the big pine trees back there. “Who wants to whack weeds in ninety nine degree heat? I can’t lay around all day!”
At the shoreline I turned away from the water to whack weeds within the stalks of the banana trees when I felt a sharp tug on my right foot then, intense needle like pain!
I looked down. My ankle was between its teeth! The last thing I remember was water being forced into my nostrils and a sense of hopelessness.
I woke up sputtering and retching in the hammock under the pines out back where I had been resting after weed whacking the bank. At first I thought I was drowning! Then I realized I had poured an entire bottle of Fuji water onto my face most of it having drained into my nostrils.
While coughing violently, I happened to look down at the canal where I saw two giant marbles a little smaller than tennis balls floating on the surface.
When a paddle shaped, warty snout with two puncture holes at the end and what appeared to be thousands of teeth (although there could have been more) began to rise out of the water, I knew I had come face to face with a big alligator!
A big fugator!!
Still coughing violently I scanned the area for a limb to throw at the big fucker when the hammock I’d been dozing on flipped me!
The canvas had wrapped itself around me!! I was trapped like an ear of corn!!
I swayed like a pendulum for around 30 seconds before coming to rest my head 12 inches or so above ground staring down at the gator, my world turned upside down, my arms clasped along both sides of my body feeling totally helpless.
What made it even worse, the Fuji bottle had lodged itself against my nuts!
The gator took two steps onto land its beakey snout with all those teeth leading the way.
Feeling paralyzed, I sensed the reticular area of my brain frozen in place, totally confused since fight or flight was not an option so, I did the only thing I COULD do.
“Would you like some cheeze and crackers?”
Her voice pierced into my consciousness like a bright ray of light on the darkest day. Hallaleuia … I’ve been saved!
Her appearance or the sound of her voice startled the gator. Quicker than splickity shit all I could see was white water froth, little whirl pools and the yaw of its rounded beak slinking into the inky depths of the water.
She didn’t look down quickly enough to see the gator’s snout and those teeth before it disappeared. She thought the movement of the water was caused by turtles. She warned me again about the gator they had seen.
A half hour later, finally free from the clutches of the hammock I ate two crackers with cheeze and threw up.