The Bean Soup Chronicles: For LMG. (You Know Who You Are …)

12:18 p.m. Wednesday

Hey!  I did something I’ve never done before.  I bought a package of those navy beans with the little packet of seasoning.  I’m going to make bean soup!  I’m soaking the beans overnight as we speak.

Wull … But I had a helluva time finding a ham hock at Wal Mart so I wasn’t sure if I could pull it off.  But, never afraid to ask … even directions … I found them.  Bought 4 for $4.50.  Can you slice meat off those things?  I’m excited!

9:30 a.m Thursday

Hey!  The beans are on the cusp of boiling!  I added lots of onions plus garlic salt some flaked onions, salt and pepper (sea salt!  are you impressed!) and paprika … to add some color and of course one of those ham hocks.

Gosh, they don’t have much meat on them.  Do you use them just for fat?

I was a little grossed out at the thought of a hock being awfully close to a pigs mouth.  You know what pigs eat don’t you?  But, who am I?  I’m going to add some sugar.  My grandma’s secret ingredient.

3:00 p.m. Thursday Afternoon

I’ve been simmering the beans for 6 hours now.  I figured that was enough time for them to soak up all that fat from the ‘hock’.  So, I had two bowls with a couple slices of good bread.  A great afternoon snack but the skins were a little too ‘al dante’ (did I spell that right?)  So I simmered them for a little while longer.

8:21 p.m. Thursday Night

Damn!  That’s some great soup!

I think I must have eaten at least five bowls while I watched some war movie; lots of canon fire, big canon balls landing.  Big explosions!  I wouldn’t want one of those canon balls to hit me.  I ran the sound through my Bose stereo.  A few of those cannon explosions scared the shit out of me!

7:00 a.m. Friday morning

I thought I might have eaten too many beans last night.  We’ll have to see.

8:30 a.m. Friday morning

Jeeze!  Those beans!  Maybe I shouldn’t have eaten the moral equivalent of an entire acres worth! Looking back it seems like I was one of those harvesting machines the kind that would … oh, never mind.

10:18 Friday morning

Hey!  I was outside working.  I let a big one rip.  I laughed at the length. I thought, if Little Monster Girl (aka LMG) were here she’d be in stitches all day!

11:30 Friday morning

I was still working outside putting new gutters on the cottage letting them rip when a flock of geese passéd by overhead.  I happened to let a big one  rip (like I’ve got a choice, right?).  I watched the whole flock  branch off like I’ve seen the Blue Angels do at one of those air shows.

At first I thought they were dive bombing me.

Instead, they circled around the tops of the trees looking  down.  I connected the dots.  Maybe they thought there was a rookery down here.

I stared at them.  You know how I am when I make contact with animals.  With all their honking I thought they might be replying to me.  Too bad.  My timing was off. My body wouldn’t let me say a word. Either that or they saw my human form so they shrugged me off.

I could sense they were disappointed!  Still, I think I made quite an impression.  I bet  they’ll be honking about it all season.  ha ha ha ….

12:30 p.m. Friday

I’ve been pretty depressed.  You know how I feel about animals.  I thought we were speaking the same language I really did!  I know I already said that once but … it bears repeating.

To think that they thought I was an imposter; it IS depressing!  But what the hell … I can’t fly so what’s the difference?

So anyway, to console myself I was thinking about renting myself out for duck season!  To make extra money!  This is a good idea isn’t it?

1:00 p.m.

Why don’t you stop over for my famous bean soup sometime?  We’ll eat massive amounts and have a great time jamming!  You’ll do fine if you just let yourself go!  Too bad Little Monster Girl isn’t in the states.  I’d make an extra big batch and we could form a trio!

Of course we’d have to get one of those big floor fans.  Big deal!