The Agony and the Ecstasy II

 

 

 

continued …. “Gosh,” I realized.  “Despite the fact that she doesn’t have an enlarged prostate gland and I’ve never had the urge to commit murder we have a lot in common!”

Creative Genius

I compared and contrasted the motivations of the diaper clad, crazed astronaut with the agony I feel when I have to pee while speeding along the interstate at 85 mph trying to get from point A to point B without getting killed, put it all into a neat little package, mulled it over in my head for a couple weeks, discussed the situation with Jodi and made a decision.  

“Yes!” I thought.  Being an adventurous type I declared, “I’ll wear the damn Dependz and be a better person for it!  I’ll be a super hero .  I’ll be …  Dependz Man!”

Look, I don’t feel embarrassed about “coming out of the closet” as a diaper clad older dude because of the solid reasoning behind my decision.  And, like I’ve always said, “form follows function,” or to put another way if it’s not fixed don’t break it again.”  

I Have Choices! 

I mean, I DON’T HAVE TO DO THIS!  I’m not a doddering old incontinent fool Goshdarnit!  On the contrary I’m thinking about changing my name to Benjamin Button!  

Seriously, other than an abundance of titanium and ceramics at various ball and socket joint locations throughout my body I have no organ miscreants within me at all.

All systems are running smoothly.  Everything is a GO.  A-OK.  With the exception of …my bladder.  

continued …

TO PEE TO BE AND TO BE A.D.(H)D.

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i had to pee
( … after having sat at the key board for a long time …  )
…..
after peeing
 I decided to clean the
iron stains i saw
down there  …
…..
I poured in ‘iron remover’ and comet …
…..
 after flushing it looked
sparkling clean …
…..
what the heck … !
i thought …
i’ll clean the whole toilet … !
…..
i sprayed and
wiped it down with
chlorox cleanser …
…..
i thought about cleaning the tub
 before realizing
ten or more minutes had passed since
going in to pee …
…..
i’m back at the key board now …
… a strong odor of bleach in the air …
thinking i have the perfect
story to tell about being
a.d.H.D …
…..
but I’m not sure how to tell it
without the
peeing part …
…..
 i’ll have to give that some thought …..

To Pee Or Not To Pee

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I had been typing away for some time when I had to pee.  After I peed, I decided to clean the toilet bowl because there were some iron stains down there.  I poured in the iron remover along with some comet then used the brush to give it a good scrubbing. When I flushed the porcelain looked sparkling clean.  I decided to finish the job so i sprayed Clorox cleanser over the whole toilet and wiped it down with a washcloth that was on the sink that I would wash afterward, of course.  Then I figured what the heck.  I pulled the shower curtain back intending to scour out the tub and stall.  There was an empty glass in the stall that had shaving cream in it from when I tried out a new technique for shaving.  I took the glass to the breakfast bar where i put it into the sink to be washed.  That’s when i realized that ten or twelve minutes .. maybe even fifteen … had gone by,  after i had gone into the bathroom to pee with every intention of returning to my computer.   I had to look back into the bathroom to remember why I went there in the first place.  I’m back at the computer now typing but there’s a strong smell of chlorox bleach rising up from my fingers into my nose.  I figured that, if anyone ever wanted to know what it was like to be ADD I had the perfect story to tell but I’m not sure how I’d tell it without the peeing part.   I’ll have to give that some thought.