The Tragedy: Lost Tapes

The Tragedy III

The Lost Tapes

Seems obvious but important to note that, looking back I can say with great surety, kids don’t want change.  They want to stay as far away from change as possible.  They want to do what they are doing and they think they can do it forever because they don’t realize that change is inevitable.   

When real physical change creeps into the body the world becomes full of bright new ‘pursuasions’.  With new awarness we turn away from ‘kids world’ to embark along the pathways of our search for love; the missing ingredient that we think will calm the quiet despertion that grows with each disappointment faced throughout life.  

I saw the desperation in their eyes that summer long before I understood or became aware that the tragedy had occured.  It wasn’t until decades later that I understood.

Their parties were a desperate need to fill the empty spaces of their lives after those first disappointing years of marriage when shadows of the void begin showing up around the edges, when it became clear that marriage wasn’t the answer to the question or a destination the where the search for happiness would end. 

Maybe kid’s fear grows as they become more aware of the strange behavior of adults; their need to get drunk, the clinging man or woman too cowardly to resist temptation, the growling resentful wives consumed by rage, needy women lured into illicit affairs by lecherous men or … the choice to die, one more choice along the road of choices another choice along the many pathways, driven by a single aspect of life; the never ending search for love. 

Now I understand the sad, desperate looks I can still see on their faces all those years ago.  A yearning for the missing ingredient.  The spark that would ignite the engines of their lonesome souls.

DEAC

He sold insurance.  He was successful.

A respected businessman and community leader. He taught me how to handle a shotgun and we often hunted and fished together.

His philosophy of life was that anything of value can only be achieved by hard work and pain.  Suffering builds character!

He had a great sense of humor and loved to laugh.  People had a hard time saying no to him. While most people liked him, he was a shyster and wouldn’t hesitate to screw any person out of five bucks if he thought he could get away with it.

Those few enemies he had hated his guts.

A U.S. Marine, radioman and sharpshooter during World War II, you could say he was a lucky man.  Not because the bus he was riding on that night was broadsided by a train trapping him in the wreckage, with a crushed foot, rather the accident prevented him from being shipped out the next day to Iwo Jima.

He spent the rest of the war recuperating in hospital near Seattle in Washington State.

SKIING BEHIND THE CAR

He was an adventurous soul unafraid to take chances.

One Sunday morning out of nowhere, he proclaimed, “I can ski behind the car.”

A preposterous thing to do!  But he did it and despite the fact that he told me he had never made a mistake in his life, I’m sure that by the end of that day, his arm in a sling, wracked with pain from gravel imbedded road rash and debilitating contusions, you might think he’d at least consider that he made a mistake.  But, he wouldn’t admit or even consider that he had.  Only that he had no regrets.

NO REGRETS

Did Deac consider his role in the tragedy a mistake?  Did he feel guilt because of the tragedy?  Did he regret his dalliance with Janey and the tragedy that resulted?  Or, in HIS world of denial did he tell himself he had no regrets?  Did he even realize he played a role in the tragedy?  If so he never confided in me.

MYSTIFIED

I was mystified by behavior that I had no reference for before that summer.  After all, I was only ten years old at the time.

I didn’t know that Deac and Janey had been seeing each other off the radar for weeks.  If I did, I wouldn’t have known what they were doing.

What I DID see were the ugly looks Donna gave him and his feigned attempts to act nonchalant.  Even I could tell he was acting strangely talking incessantly about events that happened during the day as if he were enlightening us.

INSANE JEALOUSY

Donna’s volatile temper, her insane jealousy, the bitterness she felt toward Deac roiled like an angry sea just below the surface. During tempests of fury her ocean of madness, spilled over, drawing everyone within reach into her storms of fury even those she loved the most.

We lived in troubling times never sure when her volatility would spark the flames of jealous insanity when we least expected.

BROKEN DISHES

Then one day I walked into the kitchen while Donna was breaking dishes on the kitchen floor, calling Deac a son of a bitch.  While he calmly stirred the spaghetti sauce,I passed by unnoticed.

By the time dinner was served the floor had been swept.  They regained their composure and were civilized toward each other while we ate.  For a while things seemed ok.

They weren’t.

Next: THE INCIDENT

 

 

Grand Canyon Phil

 Lynn started having severe headaches a year and a half after marrying Phil who considered himself a libertarian pledged to be a pain in the ass to every person he met.

One summer they were on vacation at the Grand Canyon riding donkeys down a trail along the canyon wall around 200 feet above the Rio Grande.

The trail widened just as Phil called the guy in front of him a fucking jack ass.

Lynn pulled up next to Phil.

‘’The nerve of him,’’ she thought to herself. ‘’I’ve about had it with this asshole.’’  Without realizing, the word ‘asshole’ had escaped from Lynn’s lips.  

Phil’s head spun sideways to look at Lynn, a look of astonishment on his face just as Lynn, with a vice like grip, dug her fingernails into the skin around the top of Phil’s shoulder.

The last thing Phil saw before a tumbling blend of spectacular Grand Canyon colors enhanced by an immense orange setting sun was, Lynn’s smiling face mouthing the words, ‘’Good by asshole.’’

When they returned topside the entire group reaffirmed Lynn’s version of the story.  Phil had leaned over too far while yelling, “Fuck off!’’ to the group leader and had fallen over the edge of the gorge.

That night Lynn drove eastward toward Las Vegas.

Phil’s body was never found.

London Broil: Butter or Parquay?

continued … when he doubled over she called him a doofey unemployed jake ass.  He laughed to himself.  ”What the hell is a ‘jake ass?”  he wondered.  continued …

Most nights after cleaning the kitchen he joined her in the t.v. room even though he hated that goddamned western channel …

He usually curled up with a book by his favorite author Louis L’Amor.

That one night she told him she wanted popcorn.

He took great pride in his popcorn making skills but that night they ran out of margarine!

(It was a mystery to him why she didn’t like butter on her popcorn.  He loved buttered popcorn!)

Maybe that’s why.   

“Wull,” he told her, ”There isn’t any margarine.”

But she insisted,

”The car’s got plenty of gas,” she said, “And i could use some quiet time.  So why don’t you just leave?” 

So, he drove 8 miles to the Piggly Wiggly in town but it was closed for the annual inventory.

So he drove around the corner to Charly’s Convenience Store but it must have burned down; the walls were charred black and the roof was missing.  

‘’I’ll be damed if I’ll drive another three miles over to Plank City for a tub of frickin’ Parkay,” he said to himself, out loud..

“She’ll just have to eat her goddamned popcorn with butter tonight!”

(He wondered if she’d know the difference but, he knew better.)

continued … 

It All Started At the Lodge That Sunday Night: The End

continued: I saw the glint she gets in her eyes when she thinks there’s a bar within reach.

– II –

“What are you looking at?”   I asked.

“Why don’t we go to the lodge so I can warm up by the fire and have a brandy?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “Why not? Maybe we could have a steak afterward.” But, she said the food at the lodge was lousy.

Then I thought, won’t she be surprised when she discovers they don’t have a fire place at that lodge?  It’s one of the worst lodges in town!  And it’s not that big of a town!

Then I thought, “Oh, oh.” when I remembered it was Sunday!

I was pretty sure they weren’t serving liquor on Sunday!

Boy was she mad!

That was about the funniest thing that happened all day!  You should have seen the look on her face!  It was pure irony!

Later, that evening around nine thirty ..

We got home around nine thirty.

She was angry and wouldn’t speak to me.

“You knew all along didn’t you!” she said.

“Well kind of.  But i was hoping.”

Pause.

Finally I said, “Well,  you know how it is!”

But she still didn’t believe me!

She walked away in a huff to take her evening bath but, the pilot light for the hot water heater had blown out and we didn’t have any God forsaken matches!  The ones we had were wet!!

Then she got sick!

I thought at first she might be pregnant!

I asked her but as soon as the words spilled out of my mouth I realized we hadn’t had sex in over a year!

She cried after that.

“I wasn’t going to tell you,” she said in between sobs and retching, “But, I’m pregnant with Dick’s baby!”

“Dick’s baby!”

“What a relief,” I thought! “I’d been wanting to break up with her for almost five years!”

“That son of a bitch Dick had actuality done me a favor!”

A Night At the Lodge

It all started that night when I wasn’t sure what she was asking me!

At first I thought it had something to do with skiing!

Truth of the matter is I didn’t know WHAT she was thinking but I didn’t want to make waves.

I thought that maybe we were supposed to be meeting Dick and Jeannie for a night out at the lodge!

Or maybe it had something to do with that scheduled court date?

When you get right down to it, I didn’t really give a shit.  As far as I was concerned, it was six of one and one of those bakers dozen of the other … (haha heard someone say that once … it put a smile on my face.)

So i said “OK!”

You know! I had to be positive!!

I KNOW how she is about that ‘being positive’ stuff. She’s always stressing it so much!

Well, I think I AM positive but, does a little more than 50% of the time qualify as most of the time?

I’m not sure.

So I kept my mouth shut!

I didn’t want to hurt her feelings!!

Later that evening we drove out to the lodge. continued …

I Was Just the Postman

 

A comment I wrote about the poem titled, “When I Was Born.”

This is one of my favorite pieces not just because it describes what childbirth might be like but, I think it’s beautifully written.  I like how it flows and trips along with cadence and sound.

Hey! I can comment about my own work can’t I?  It wasn’t even ‘Me’ who wrote the thing.  I remember it well.  “I felt a slight glow on the pads of my fingers a kind of pulsing and I began to stroke the keys and it felt like my digits were being guided by Aphrodite herself.”  

Not quite.  More like, my inner roulette wheel spinning words and with the luck of the draw I was able to catch a few every once in a while.

Anyway.  BIRTH!  The most significant event of our lives!  (And, at such a young age!)  After all being born into this fucked up world is no easy job.  It’s true!  Ask any new born kid!

Birth!  It’s the door we step through to gain entry into this place with its good and bad and every increment in between, evil and good and all the polar opposites that are the price we pay for living on a planet with a North and South Pole.  Shit!

Then, there’s the mistakes we make!  Think about how many concussions you’ve given yourself after slapping your self in the forehead saying, “You dumb shit!”  Or, I coulda’ had a V8 but with the can.

But that’s life!  Right?

The never ending parade that cascades before us, our journey through light with density that we are contained within and can exist in along with other beings just like us and we like them; plants and animals, trees and birds and all those finials from biology no species better or worse we think we are the high ideal but, all we’ve ever done is destroy things.

Yet, BIRTH continues.

Perhaps we judge our lives by how significantly apart we grow from the newborn child’s ultimate experience; the outside and the inside world coming face on with each other at birth, a double brightness, a kind of symbiotic relationship with light given/taken in/returned/then, given back in a never ending cycle.

Just like love and marriage.  Right?  Except, you can’t have one without the other.

Or, on the abstract level, seen in its entire and completely different and absurd light and really hard to understand level; if a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it is there a noise?

THAT’S ONE FOR THE AGES ISN’T IT REXI?.  Fuck yes! There’s NOISE because there’s SOUND because the WHOLE PLACE heard the tree fall by the birds and the other trees and the lichen and the bear who was rubbing his butt when the tree fell.  Jeez.  What a ridiculous posit that, if a human being wasn’t present there MIGHT NOT be no sound.  That’s kind of pre infantile thinking isn’t it?  Oh?  It’s not important?  Good.

(That, and the angels dancing on the heads of pins discussion always gets me.  Sooooo interesting.  Someone should put THAT posit on a post it note and file it in the floor file.)

I think that every day it’s possible that at some point in time when time is the right time and the stars and all that other crap fit together just right I could find myself in the ‘real’ world behind all of the facades of daily life.  We need those facades but they can be all consuming!

To suddenly experience the revery of speechless awe at the world around us.  We all KNOW that other place is here, waiting to be experienced.  Is that desire what keeps us going?

I think that, as life moves along we judge the degrees of success with our lives by the baseline of CHILDBIRTH.  Which brings us back to the poem.

The words in that poem flowed through my fingers with such DELIGHT!

Wull … it’s ok to comment on my own work isn’t it? Actually, I don’t even know who wrote this piece remember?  I was just the postman.  Check out the post, “When I Was Born.”  I hope you like it as much as I do.  Au’revoir.

 

 

The Case of the Missing Furniture

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Chapter I

Thursday morning I think I awoke from what I thought was a dream/doors banging shut echoed throughout the house/the four walls devoid of shadows looked strange and naked; the outlets seemed bored without their plugs.

I knocked on every door and looked inside. Nothing!

Was it a dream?  

Chapter 2

I drank my coffee on the porch the yellow sun on my feet my face in shadow, before I even realized every stick of furniture had disappeared.

I called the police!

Chapter 3

“Something has to be missing for two days before it’s missing,” they said.

“But what if its all on a big semi headed for North Carolina or down by the Swale River holding the asses of some homeless people drinking their muscatel, red stains all over on the arms?’

They left in a huff. “Homeless people are out of our jurisdiction!”

Chapter 4

I remembered seeing the E.M.T. people. Hmmm …  Maybe they were in disguise?

Shit!  Then I remembered!  The E.M.T.’s had visited my house at least ten days prior.

 They told me I was having an anxiety attack. But I disguised my feelings.  I wasn’t going to let them know the chair was a giant hand thrusting up to pull me into some abscess below the foundation of the house. What a ridiculous thought!  I live on a cement slab!!

“But I couldn’t get the thought out of my head.”

Chapter 5

A while later I said good bye despite her offer to tell me everything that happened.

“I’m perfectly happy wondering what happened. I don’t need any answers.”

Chapter 6

I stuck out my thumb. Houses and bison sped by.

Chapter 7

Finally, I arrived!  The door opened.  I stepped inside.

The driver a 30’s something red haired police officer wearing a green uniform her hair pulled back said her name was Devereaux.

“Where are you taking me?” I asked.

She smiled, “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

“Well yes but … does this have anything to do with
my missing furniture ….. ?”

Fall Tragedy: The Lost Tapes

 …..  I didn’t want to try and fit the slapping incident or the  into my normal routines, the sense of security that all kids need.  

 ***

Kids don’t want change.  They fear change when it’s even a little close to their radar.  They depend on stability to keep the vicissitudes of life at bay none of which they know about except for some scary feeling deep inside that tells them there’s a wild beast out there, just outside the boundaries of their lives. 

Maybe the fear grows as they become more aware of the the strange behavior of adults;   the need to get drunk,  the clinging woman or man, the  growling resentful wives, needy women lured into illicit affairs by lecherous men.  The never ending search for love,  you can see it in their eyes.  A yearning for some missing ingredient.  The spark that will ignite the engines of their lonesome souls.  

continued … 

Fall Tragedy V

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continued … By the time i slid between the sheets I had already pushed the incident out of my mind.  I shrugged my shoulders telling myself this was something typical of parents or adults and drifted off to sleep. 

Though I didn’t know it at the time, pulling the sheets over my head, hiding under the sheets, was a symbolic act meaning that I had taken myself into ‘denial land’.

 I didn’t know that my dad and June had been seeing each other off the radar for weeks.  If i did, I didn’t know what they were doing.

What I DID see were the ugly looks my mom gave him and his feigned attempts to act nonchalant.  Even I could tell he was acting strangely talking incessantly about events that  happened during the day as if he were enlightening us.

Then one day I walked into the kitchen that day while my mom was breaking all of our dishes on the kitchen floor, calling my dad a son of a bitch, while he calmly stirred the spaghetti sauce.

I walked through the kitchen and kept on going like i had tunnel vision for “out of the room”.

By the time dinner was served the floor had been swept.  They were civilized toward each other.  The spaghetti sauce was good.  All of our roles were very well established.

But, there was still an undercurrent of ugliness, quiet hostility …  mostly coming from my mom, that lasted until the tragedy when we richoched off of the walls of time and life was never the same.

Later, like any normal family, we’d gather in the den to eat popcorn or have a bowl of ice cream while watching t.v.,  like nothing had happened.  At nine o’clock I’d kiss them both good night like I always did and go to bed.

continued …

 

Grand Canyon Phil

Lynn started having severe headaches a year and a half after marrying Phil who considered himself a libertarian pledged to be a pain in the ass to every person he met.

One summer they were on vacation at the Grand Canyon riding donkeys down a trail along the wall of the canyon around 200 feet above the Rio Grande.

The trail widened just as Phil called the guy in front of him a fucking jack ass.

Lynn pulled up next to Phil.  ‘’The nerve of him,’’ she thought to herself. ‘’I’ve about had it with this asshole.’’  The word ‘’asshole’’ escaped from her lips.  When Phil looked at Lynn everyone in the group looked at Phil.  Lynn dug her fingernails around the top of Phil’s shoulder.

The next to the last thing Phil saw before the tumbling blend of spectacular Grand Canyon colors enhanced by an immense orange setting sun, was Lynn’s smiling face and the words, ‘’Good by asshole.’’

When they returned topside the entire group reaffirmed Lynn’s version of the story.  Phil had leaned over too far while yelling “fuck off’’ to the group leader and had fallen over the edge of the gorge.

That night Lynn drove eastward toward Las Vegas.

Phil’s body was never found.

Reliving the Moment One More Time

She faced downward, her spine curved, one side of her face drooped.  He held her hand, wiped the drool from her mouth. They seldom spoke.  Their hands spoke for them.

I pictured her as a slender and beautiful young woman.  Was she a good dancer?   Did she have children?  I imagined them kissing with youthful passion.

I thought; true love can’t be described, it’s a vibration between two people.  Was I seeing true love?

She turned and looked at me, seeming to sense my presence. The left side of her mouth curled into a half smile. Were her eyes telling me she understood my thoughts? Was she answering my question? “Yes, dear boy, you are seeing true love.” How did she know my thoughts?

She faced her husband.  He inclined his head, listened then rose and pushed her to the opposite side bench.  I wondered why they moved. Was the sun too hot?  Did she think she had answered my question and it was time to move on?   Was she too tired to continue our silent dialogue?

After moving I craned my neck to see them. Facing forward, they spoke softly then turning toward each other, they smiled and nodded their heads in unison. Were they telling each other secrets? Was she telling him a boy flirted with her? Or maybe she remembered when they first fell in love and wanted to relive the moment one more time.

Zumba My Ass – Part II

continued … ‘’call 911 yourself you clumsy idiot … it’s all your fault … !  ’’ she said 

he had to fish the phone out of his back pocket …

(which isn’t an easy task when you’re lying on the floor with a broken shoulder)  …

but the battery was dead … !

…..

a moment  later she came back into the kitchen …

…..

she began picking the groceries up

but 

she ignored him …

…..

‘’but you’ve never used that thing,” he said … !  it’s bleached out from lying outside in the sun for TWO YEARS … !  

for crying out loud!  

i made a landscape ornament out of that thing 

after the first year … !”

…..

she said, “i was thinking of joining that zumba class
starting next week…!”

she got huffy again and said,

“why don’t you just put the damned groceries away  yourself?”

she stormed out of the kitchen a second time …

…..

despite the pain he yelled,  

‘’but zumba doesn’t USE exercise balls … !’’

…..

the last thing he heard before the door slammed was…

’’Good!

I didn’t  want to take that

stupid class anyway … !

….. 

Later …

he had to drive the Mustang in first gear

all the way to the hospital

 five miles away … !

(the pain was too intense to shift gears)

…..

while it seemed strange to him at the time …

(and despite the pain)

he laughed all the way to the

hospital …

Zumba My Ass … !

Once again he was saddened by the thought that,

“She never thinks i’m funny … !“

most of the things HE thought were funny … SHE thought were either  stupid  or sexually degenerate …

she hated the word ‘’shit’’ which he thought was the funniest word in the english language … !

…..

… and she didn’t think sex was funny which he thought was even funnier than the word shit … !

she used to say, “i don’t appreciate your barnyard humor,’’ 

…..

he remembered the time she stormed out of the room after he said,  ’i’d love to be able to fly like a bird but,

i wouldn’t want to BE a bird because when birds have sex it’s over after a couple of quick thrusts … !“

 she said something over her shoulder as she stormed out of the room …all he heard was … ‘’compared to you … ‘’

he didn’t catch the rest …

…..

(strange as it seems, … he chuckled at the craziness of the situation … )…..

BUT IT’S OK she doesn’t get it most of the time … !’’ he thought … !

“for crying out loud

you can’t connect on everything … !”

…..

… still,  he hoped that occasionally she’d laugh at

what he DID or SAID to BE funny instead of the

unintentional things that happened

which

she thought were  hilarious … !

…..

like the time he was carrying the groceries in from the car,

tripped over that stupid exercise ball she never used, fell and

broke his shoulder …  !

…..

she laughed so hard she didn’t even hear his pleas to

call 911 … !

…..

(the next day she told him she laughed so hard she peed her pants … !) …..

through the haze of pain he was thinking, ‘’well, at least she’s laughing ..”

…..

but then she got pissed because the exercise ball

hit a nail and went flat …

…..

as she walked out of the room the last thing he heard was …

‘’call 911 yourself you clumsy idiot … it’s all your fault … ! 

continued …

London Broil IV – Redux – End

continued …  “she’ll just have to eat her goddamned popcorn with butter tonight  … !  he wondered if she’d know the difference … but, he knew better … )

When he got back home she was fast asleep in bed … …..

hmmmmm, he thought … 

…..

he figured, since the next day was saturday 

(… and she’d be sleeping in … ) 

he’d leave early for his appointment at 

Peter’s Quickie Loan Place

(… across the street from the Piggly Wiggly … ), 

pick up a couple tubs of margarine for the popcorn AND a couple pounds of butter, just in case … !

…..

he knew he’d have hell to pay if 

there wasn’t any butter in the house … 

since she preferred butter on her

toast … !

The End ..

London Broil – Redux – Part III

continued … when he doubled over she called him a doofey unemployed jake ass ….. he laughed to himself …  ”what the hell is a ‘jake ass … ?”  continued …

….. most nights after cleaning the kitchen he joined her in the t.v. room even though he hated that goddamned western channel …

…..

he usually curled up with a book by his favorite author louis l’amor …

…..

that one night she told him she wanted popcorn …

…..

… he took great pride in his popcorn making skills … but on that one night they had run out of margarine ….. !

…..

it was a mystery to him why she didn’t like butter on her popcorn … he loved buttered popcorn … !

maybe  that was the reason why … ?

…..

“… wull  … ,” he told her, ”there isn’t any margarine … ”

…..

but she insisted,

… ”the car’s got plenty of gas,” she said,  …

” … and i could use some quiet time. 

so why don’t you just leave  … ” ?

…..

so, he drove 8 miles to

the Piggly Wiggly in town 

but it was closed for the annual inventory …

…..

so he drove around the corner to 

Charlies Convenience Store 

but it must have burned down …

the walls were charred black

and the roof was missing …

…..

‘’ … i’ll be damed if i’ll drive another three miles over to Plank City for a tub of frickin’ Parkay … ,” he said, out loud to himself …

…..

“… she’ll just have to eat her goddamned popcorn with butter tonight … ” !

…..

( … he wondered if she’d know the difference … 

but

he knew better … )

continued … 

London Broil Redux

continued … why feta cheese, he wondered ??  … she said it had something to do with goats milk and the symbyotic relationship goats have with tomatoes ..??

*****

she gloated it over him …

the meat thing, i mean … 

and the fact that he wasn’t working …

…..

naturally, he didn’t want to make waves

so he ate the damned feta cheese .. 

(after all … he WAS unemployed) …

…..

but he would NOT give in when she asked if he 

liked the feta cheese … !

…..

she always laughed, 

‘i can tell by the look on your face it sickens you!!!”

…..

one night he had to leave the table after eating

a piece with green mold … !

…..

after that, 

he hated bleu cheese more than ever … ! 

…..

she followed him to the bathroom 

chortling the whole way, 

 ‘’i know why you’re sick you flack ass,’’ she said … 

it’s that cheese you liar … !  you hate it … !’’

…..

he told her he thought it was

something he ate at the unemployment office …

she laughed again … 

’’probably one of those meaty hot dogs you like so much you 

meat eating, in denial vegetarian … !” 

she said it with a 

shit eating grin on her face …

…..

she put her arms around him which 

he though was kind of nice for a change but

she faked one of those knee jabs to his crotch …

…..

when he doubled over she called him a 

doofey unemployed jake ass …

…..

he laughed to himself … 

”what the hell is a ‘jake ass … ?”  

continued …

It All Happened That Night V … End

4

We got home around nine thirty.

She was angry and wouldn’t speak to me.

“You knew all along didn’t you!” she said …

“Well kind of.  But i was hoping.”

Pause …

“Well, you know how it is!” But she didn’t believe me!

To make matters worse, the pilot light had blown out and we didn’t have any god forsaken matches!  The ones we had were wet!!

Then she got sick!

I thought at first she might be pregnant!

I asked her but as soon as the words spilled out of my mouth I realized we hadn’t had sex in over a year!

5

She cried after that.

“I wasn’t going to tell you,” she said in between sobs and retching.

“I’m pregnant with Dick’s baby!”

“What a relief,” I thought!

I’d been wanting to break up with her for almost five years!

That son of a bitch Dick had actuality done me a favor!

It All Happened That Night IV

truth of the matter is …” she said, ” i wasn’t paying attention to a word you said … !”  i had other things on my mind … ”  continued …..

Then she says, “Why don’t we go inside where the  fireplace is and have a brandy?”

I shrugged my shoulders.

“Why not? Maybe we could have a steak afterward.”

She said the food at the lodge was lousy.

I thought “Won’t she be surprised?!

I didn’t even think there was a fireplace over there! It’s one of the worst lodges in town! And it’s not that big of a town!”

Then i remembered it was Sunday!

I was pretty sure they weren’t serving liquor on Sunday!

Boy was she mad!

That was about the funniest thing that happened all day!

You should have seen the look on her face!

It was pure irony!

continued …

…..

It All Happened That Night III

I told her I wasn’t really trying to be rude which didn’t seem to satisfy her at all so i said it again, hoping she’d understand!

But she didn’t.

She got mad as hell!

“I hate that Dick … !!” she said.  “He’s so goddamn irresponsible!”

I noticed she was looking over my shoulder at the bright lights of the lodge.

I could see that glint she gets in her eyes when she thinks there’s a bar within reach.

“What are you looking at?”  i asked.

She said she was sorry she was so mean.

“You weren’t being rude!” she said.   “But i still think it’s your fault!”

“Truth of the matter is,” she said, “I wasn’t paying attention to a word you said!”

Pause …

“I had other things on my mind!”

continued …

It All Happened That Night … A Re-post

It all started that night when I wasn’t sure what she was asking me … !

At first i thought it had something to do with skiing!

Truth of the matter is … I didn’t know WHAT she was thinking but I didn’t want to say anything.

I thought, that maybe we were supposed to be meeting Dick and Jeannie for a night out at the lodge!

Or maybe it had something to do with that scheduled court date?

When you get right down to it, it didn’t make any difference to me.  As far as I was concerned, it was six of one and one of those bakers dozen of the other … (i heard someone say that once … it put a smile on my face …)

So i said “OK!”

You know … ! I had to be positive … !

I KNOW how she is about that ‘being positive’ stuff. She’s always stressing it so much … which, well … most of the time I think I AM positive but, does a little more than 50% of the time mean most of the time?  I’m not sure.

So I kept my mouth shut.  I didn’t want to hurt her feelings … !!

Later that evening we drove out to the lodge.

continued …

Reliving the Moment One More Time

images-5

She faced downward, her spine curved,

one side of her face drooped …

he held her hand,

wiped the drool from her mouth

with a white handkerchief …

…..

i used to watched them two or three times a week where i ate my lunch

under the covered picnic area

at the city park along the Peace River …

…..

 they seldom spoke …

their hands spoke for them …

…..

one day i observed her more closely …

i pictured her as a slender,

beautiful young woman …

…..

i wondered …

was she a good dancer …?

did she have children …?

i imagined the two of them kissing with youthful passion …

…..

I realized how difficult it is to describe true love …

I decided …

true love can’t be described …

it’s a vibration between two people …

…..

was I seeing true love …?

…..

as i sat thinking,

she turned and looked at me,

seeming to sense

my presence …

…..

the left side of her mouth

curled into a half smile …

…..

were her eyes telling me she understood

my thoughts …?

was she answering my question …

“Yes, young man, you are seeing true love.”

…..

how did she know my thoughts …?

…..

she faced her husband …

he inclined his head, listened then

rose and pushed her wheelchair

to the opposite side bench …

…..

why did they move, i wondered  …?

did she think she had answered my question

and it was time to move on …?

was she too tired to continue our

“silent dialogue” …?

…..

after they moved I continued watching them

their backs facing towards me …

they spoke softly then, turning towards each other, smiled and nodded

in agreement …

…..

were they telling each other secrets …?

did she tell him a young man flirted with her …?

…..

or maybe she remembered when

they first fell in love

and wanted to relive

the experience

one more

time …

…..

that was the last time i saw them …

I’ll Have London Broil With My Popcorn

images-3

Part II ..

*****

most nights after

cleaning the

kitchen

he joined her in the

t.v. room even though he

hated

that goddamned

western

channel …

…..

he usually curled up with a

book

by his favorite author

louis

l’amor …

…..

that one night she told him

she wanted

 popcorn …

…..

… (he took great pride in his popcorn making skills) …

but on that one night they had

run out of

margarine ….. !

…..

(… it was a mystery to him why she didn’t like butter on her popcorn …)

he loved

buttered popcorn … !

…..

maybe  that was

why …

…..

“… wull  … ,” he said,

”there isn’t any margarine … ”

but she insisted …

…..

” … the car’s got plenty of

gas … ,”

she said …

…..

” … and i could use some

 quiet time … so

why don’t you just

leave  … ” ?

…..

so, he drove 8 miles to the

Piggly Wiggly in town

but

it was closed for the annual

inventory …

…..

so

he drove around the

corner

to

Charlies Convenience Store

but

it must have

burned

down …

…..

the walls were charred black and the

roof was missing …

…..

‘’ … i’ll be damed if i’ll drive another

three miles over to

Plank City for a tub of

frickin’ Parkay … ,”

… he said, out loud

to

himself …

…..

“… she’ll just have to eat her

goddamned

popcorn

with butter

tonight … ” !

…..

( … he wondered if she’d

know the

difference …

…..

but

he knew better … )

…..

when he got back

home

she was fast

asleep in

bed …

…..

ummm ….

…..

he

figured …

since the next day was

saturday …

(… and she’d be sleeping in … )

he’d leave early for his

appointment at

Peter’s Quickie Loan Place …

(… across the street from the Piggly Wiggly … )

pick up a couple

tubs of

margarine for the

popcorn

AND

 a couple pounds of

butter

(just in

case … )!

…..

he knew he’d have hell to pay

if

there wasn’t any butter in the

house

since …

she preferred butter on her

toast …

The End ..

For

jpatterson

I’ll Have London Broil With My Popcorn

images

(for ‘sis … )

Unknown

they had meat for

dinner almost every

night …

…..

but for

months

he had been eating

tomatoes and

feta cheese

for dinner

even though he

hated feta

cheese …

…..

he couldn’t stand the

taste

and

it made him sick …

…..

she insisted all along he become a

vegetarian

and she

insisted he eat feta cheese

even though he

loved

meat and

potatoes …

…..

” .. honey ,”

she said,

“as long as you bring home the

bacon

you can have whatever you

want … !”

…..

which ….

…..

this was the problem  … !

…..

he hadn’t worked for

months

and

tomatoes with feta cheese is a

LOT

cheaper than

two people eating

london broil … !

…..

(even though

they had plenty of

money … )

…..

it was her idea he only

eat

feta cheese and tomatoes …

…..

he just shook his

head …

…..

why feta cheese, he wondered ??

…..

( … she said it had something to do with goats milk and

the symbyotic relationship goats have with

tomatoes …. ) ???

…..

she gloated it over him …

…..

 … the meat thing, i mean …

and

the fact that he wasn’t

working …

…..

naturally,

he didn’t want to make

waves so

 he ate the damned

feta cheese …

(after all … he WAS unemployed) …

…..

but he would NOT

give in

when she

asked if he

liked the

feta cheese … !

…..

she always

laughed,

‘i can tell by the look on your face it sickens you.!!!”

…..

one night he had to leave the

table

after eating a piece with

green

mold …

 …..

(… he hated bleu cheese even more … !)

…..

she followed him to the

bathroom

chortling the whole way,

 ‘’i know why you’re

sick you

flack ass,’’

she said …

…..

it’s that

cheese you

liar … !  

you hate it … !’’

…..

he told her he thought it

 was something he

ate at the

unemployment

office …

…..

she laughed again …

 ’’probably one of those

meaty hot dogs you like so much

you

meat eating, in denial 

vegetarian … ,” she said with

a

shit eating

grin on her

face …

…..

she put her arms around him which

he though was

kind of

nice

(for a change)

but she

faked one of those

knee jabs to his

crotch …

…..

when

doubled over she called him a

doofey

unemployed jake ass …

…..

he laughed …

(what’s a ‘jake ass’ he wondered …. )

continued …

 

ESOTERICA !

Thrown out shit, ridiculous, almost worthless works combined into one stupid, bullshit and not a LITTLE fricking  brilliant (at times) collection of; poems, incomplete thoughts and ideas .. very brief stories all told in the most esoteric way.

It’s Esoteric !

 images-5

Holding Onto A Rope Hooked to the Back of A Car While

Standing Inside A Pair of Skis Just Prior to

Rolling Down the Surface of

A Gravel Road 

Falling from a pair of skis while being towed behind the

car after announcing one lazy Sunday morning, “I 

can ski behind a car!’’

 If he had known she harbored secret resentments from 

long ago resulting in the car being driven dangerously fast over 

patches of gravel where the 

ice had been worn away,  the gravel grinding 

his skis down like sandpaper which of course 

separated him from the skis and the rope but, 

did not impede his 

body from rolling down the road like a  

rolling pin further and further away from the 

back of the car (and the rope) … he might not have been quite so 

cavalier in the first place.  

***

(Here’s another one … )

I was so tired i had to open my eyes to see what i was doing. 

images-3

(It’s so esoteric!  It’s Esoterica!)