The Agony and the Ecstasy V Ending


continued …. I guess you’re just supposed to put them on and pee but, I couldn’t help but wonder what was the standard volume limit?   

Volume of the Dam?

I looked all over for the table of contents or for some of those FAQ’s.  I found nothing about volume.  Would the damn burst after a second down pour? 

What do I do?  I didn’t want to “pee the car”! 

I felt those desperate feelings coming on but I said, “Screw it.  I’m living la vida loco!” and let ‘er rip.  

A Spot the Size of A Silver Dollar

Glancing down, I noticed a wet spot on my black jeans at the top of my right thigh about the size of a silver dollar..  

“Consarnit!”  I’m pissed.  This is not what I was hoping for.  Without thinking I curse my dilema.  I get so pissed I can’t stand it.  Soon after I regain my composure when chuckling to myself I remember my earlier thoughts of being pissed off and feeling pissed on.  And I thank my lucky stars that I have a good relationship with my inlaws instead of having to hang with my outlaws whoever they might be.  

Suddenly, my thoughts about being with my outlaws or being pissed off or even pissed ON become a moot point.  The diaper experience taught me just how strong I can be since nothing compares to being pissed ON AND pissed OFF at the same TIME!  

I’m being philosophical and open about the whole experience.  In fact I’ve already started pricing the ‘double wides’ but ONLY if Jodi tells me my ass looks basically the same.  

The Agony and the Ecstasy IV




continued; Boy howdy did that ring a bell with me!

I Got the Urge 

Next, I’ll tell you how all off these factors came together to form this super collision.  

The morning of my departure I ‘suited up’ for the trip.  The gray ones looked almost dressy in my estimation.  Nice and cushy up front with a little frilly gathering work around the leg slots.  Jodi reassured me my ass didn’t look any different than usual (which would have been a ‘deal breaker”).

We said our good byes and I hit the road.  An hour and a half or two hours after leaving Port Charlotte on I-75 north of Tampa I felt the first blush of an impending shower and the anxiety that usually comes with it.  

Then, with hardly realizing it I felt the warmth.  

Golly, my habitual frustration, anger and pain was no longer an issue.  I was in heaven.  I dropped the Mustang into 4th gear, dusted the slow poke in the left lane upped my speed to 85 punched in the cruise control and cruised, smiling.  

All That Time!

Whilst flowing, I thought about all the TIME I was saving by not having to stop to pee the old fashioned way.  

By the time it was time to get gas I was so relaxed, I didn’t even think about peeing.  When the Mustang was full,  I thanked my lucky stars, got in and was back on I-75 in slightly less time than it would have taken a pit crew from the Indy 500.  

Shortly after the gas up I felt the urge to go again while at the same time feeling a bit confused because of my lack of experience in certain matters. 

I wondered what the volume limit was on these things.  It didn’t say on the package in fact, there were no directions at all.  I guess you’re just supposed to put them on and pee but, I couldn’t help but wonder what was the standard volume limit?   

continued …

The Agony and the Ecstasy III


Wondering About the Glory 

One day during the golden hour at the end of the day mulling things over while feeding bread to the turtles I wondered, what will it be like to simply keep the gates open and let the water flow when the bladder wants it to flow all natural like?  

In other words, what will letting myself pee as soon as I feel the urge, without giving it a second thought,  be like?  Will it be liberating?  

The Third Leg

There’s a third element that fits into all these revelations I’ve been having.  

I can’t help but feel frustrated with everybody always being pissed off like you’re pissed off or I’m pissed off and she’s pissed off or he’s pissed at her and everybody’s pissed at somebody while some are pissed at everybody!  When this girl, the only intelligent person in the whole group, spoke out saying, “But don’t you realize?  It’s so much better to be pissed off than it is to be pissed on!”

 The room got quiet then everyone started clapping and agreed.  She really put everything into perspective for me.  In other words,  we should be thankful for what we have instead of lamenting what we DON’T have because often what you wish for is ten times worse than what we already HAVE.”  

A Similar Razzle 

That comment about being pissed off reminded me of a similar razzle that occurred one day when I had a fleeting conversation with this guy in new York way back in the mid seventies when I mentioned I dreaded having dinner with my in laws.  The guy got real serious, came a little closer and in the softest matter of fact tone looked around and said, ‘Let me give you some good advice.”  He looked around again, locked his eyes onto mine and said, ” It’s a lot better being with your in laws than it is being with your outlaws.” 

Boy howdy, did that ring a bell with me!    

continued …

The Agony and the Ecstasy II




continued …. “Gosh,” I realized.  “Despite the fact that she doesn’t have an enlarged prostate gland and I’ve never had the urge to commit murder we have a lot in common!”

Creative Genius

I compared and contrasted the motivations of the diaper clad, crazed astronaut with the agony I feel when I have to pee while speeding along the interstate at 85 mph trying to get from point A to point B without getting killed, put it all into a neat little package, mulled it over in my head for a couple weeks, discussed the situation with Jodi and made a decision.  

“Yes!” I thought.  Being an adventurous type I declared, “I’ll wear the damn Dependz and be a better person for it!  I’ll be a super hero .  I’ll be …  Dependz Man!”

Look, I don’t feel embarrassed about “coming out of the closet” as a diaper clad older dude because of the solid reasoning behind my decision.  And, like I’ve always said, “form follows function,” or to put another way if it’s not fixed don’t break it again.”  

I Have Choices! 

I mean, I DON’T HAVE TO DO THIS!  I’m not a doddering old incontinent fool Goshdarnit!  On the contrary I’m thinking about changing my name to Benjamin Button!  

Seriously, other than an abundance of titanium and ceramics at various ball and socket joint locations throughout my body I have no organ miscreants within me at all.

All systems are running smoothly.  Everything is a GO.  A-OK.  With the exception of …my bladder.  

continued …

Without Love

Without Love

… we make our way across
the frozen tundra of
our hopeful desires

unaware that beauty rests
just below the surface of
our painful hearts;

a streak of light unseen
nestled within each throb of hurt
the light of hope

the knowledge that Love exists
only were it not for
the pain that comes with it,

verification of Love’s existence
its very presence the other half needed
to complete the whole,

darkness and light
giving form to our illusions
the clarity to continue unfettered

the price we pay for knowledge of truth?
the dark pain we feel
the price we pay to find life’s meaning.

We walk into the fuel can
of our hearts unknowing
the air stifling and flammable

pock marked faces
the scars of infidelity
the permanance of death

the knowledge of wasted time
the loss of hope
the bitter taste of lost love,

the random scars of life and love
all beauty and all pain

giving meaning to all consuming desire
beautiful with lust or anger
the call of bliss and freedom

the prisons of our minds
the sight of everything good given meaning

yet steeped in painful search along the way

the choices that we make
the human condition;

Are they real or an illusion?

Without love/life has no meaning.
Without pain/there can be no love.


A Night At the Lodge

It all started that night when I wasn’t sure what she was asking me!

At first I thought it had something to do with skiing!

Truth of the matter is I didn’t know WHAT she was thinking but I didn’t want to make waves.

I thought that maybe we were supposed to be meeting Dick and Jeannie for a night out at the lodge!

Or maybe it had something to do with that scheduled court date?

When you get right down to it, I didn’t really give a shit.  As far as I was concerned, it was six of one and one of those bakers dozen of the other … (haha heard someone say that once … it put a smile on my face.)

So i said “OK!”

You know! I had to be positive!!

I KNOW how she is about that ‘being positive’ stuff. She’s always stressing it so much!

Well, I think I AM positive but, does a little more than 50% of the time qualify as most of the time?

I’m not sure.

So I kept my mouth shut!

I didn’t want to hurt her feelings!!

Later that evening we drove out to the lodge. continued …



He told me about the time he was at the hospital a year ago at the same time he would be at the same hospital this year, in the same room where last year he suffered the same procedure as he would be suffering this year .. exactly a year later.

He told me about the great nurses and others who cared for him then, he told me a tale about some crazy stuff that happened one night that no one would have ever dreamed could happen.

He laughed that Sinead O’Connor laugh while shaking his head from side to side, “Not I,” he said. “Or, the hospital staff, the bouncer who looked like he wanted to kick my ass, or that Air Force Academy guy who was the charge nurse downstairs.”

Laughing he said, “But, then how can anyone anticipate the world suddenly collapsing around you after you’ve had some crazy idea? Life has its ups and downs but the sloppy fit between a crazy thought becoming a crazy idea leading to some crazy behavior tightens like welded steel since you NEVER know when some crazy IDEA is gonna pop into your brain!”

I didn’t understand a word he said but, he ket  piquing my interest as the night wore on.

The world seen through the eyes of my grandfather Gile Steel would be an interesting one, indeed.


More Miriam ……




Deadbeat Amputee

Deadbeat Amputee

Oh! Hi! … OH! Jeeze. Hi … Hey, you know what?  I’m a bad person!

I was tied up for a whole week so I couldn’t send you the money.

My wife finally came home from Borneo and untied me from the hose I got wrapped up in when I fell hosing the back porch back on the day she left.

I really wanted to send $10 via Pay Pal!

The computer was close but I couldn’t get my right hand free and my left hand was amputated a few years back.

I thought I could reach the keyboard with my nose.  I tried so hard!  But no cigar!

And I live in a community of deaf mutes.  So, no one heard my cries for help … and  I couldn’t do sign language with just the stump!  It was So frustrating!

Do you still need the money? Hahaha … who doesn’t need money, right?

Oh!? .. O.k. … o.k. …  ok so, can I send you a check in a couple days??

#6 .. Transponding Transexual Transfers: A Detrimental Exchange Between Two Trainspotters From: Songs Heard But, Immediately Forgotten #6


How are the transplants doing?

 I’ll send pics. By the way, I had an epiphany when I separated the word trans from plants. Maybe I understand what transgender means now. Isn’t it kind of like almost sorta like grafting a tree?

There’s a series on TV called Transparent.  It’s about a father who becomes a female. Get it? Trans-parent?

Transparenting! I get it! Long distance truckers are backing a bill … oh never mind … maybe there’ll be a day when one single person can fertilize an egg AND birth the child. Transporting through trans sexual transitioning of sexual roles …

I heard there was a problem.  One of the trannies didn’t tell the other he was a male and ended up fuc ….. oh!  sorry … ! Better let that one go.

Lets stick to walnuts and oranges here. I heard there’s new variety of tree called Mueslix tree.

Good god! The wonders of science! What will they think of next?  Dehydrated water?

I heard it’s on the distant horizon! I also heard they’re working on parachutes that are so light they can hang on clouds!  What do you think of that?

I think I want a trans brain. Maybe I could have part of Brian’s brain so I can recite complete movie scripts, have an engineer’s spacial perception and make really funny faces at the same time.

I hate it when he makes those faces! It ruins the story.  They’re so grotesque I forget what the story’s about.

Well .. you gotta take the good with the bad with this trans stuff.

Yeah like, maybe shit’s trans since it’s soil that hasn’t come out of the closet? And what about these trans fats? Does cream come from cows who have been blindfolded since birth?

I don’t get it?

Neither do I.  A second ago it made perfect sense but when I said it I got confused.

You just lost your thread.

It felt like I lost the whole spool there for a second.  Maybe it was my train of thought?  Maybe I need a train spotter.

That’s probably it.  Hey … maybe I can get a trans brain from Jay Leno so part of the time I could be funny and not morose all the time.

That way when you got depressed you’d call it trans bi-polar temporary insanity.

Temporary insanity! That’s ok!  I can live with that. The rest of the time I’d be a laugh riot!

They’d have to keep an eye on you.  Laughing rioters are a menace! They think nothing of calling Grant’s tomb the funniest thing since chocolate pie.

They’d use trainspotter’s to keep an eye open for me, wouldn’t they?!  Oh .. Hey!  Call one to those gestalt cars to transport me away from this silly shit will you?

Why don’t we just have another cup of coffee and a piece of pie.

Are you buying?

I haven’t the faintest.

Well then ,,, I don’t mind if I do.

The Spinning Wheel

The Spinning Wheel

 … or i might come up here
and find white and dazzling, diamonds,

chicken legs, easter eggs
on the inland waterway,

sparking gems off cleavage water,
trillions of carats for hugs

and why not?

Dazzling iridescent half life
ur-anal-ium lives within

the bones where
dry spirit resides,

where clothes fit right
and everything flows down hill

and grows big and horney inside …

I might go there … .


 But does it matter …
what’s right or wrong?

what the others think
in the quietude of

their midnight thoughts,
through wind against

the black starlight trees?
when breeze awakens …

when full nuclear moons topped
with heads full of sight

only knowing hind sight
the proof so vainly made?

Lighthouse visions cross the bay
with diamonds pale by comparison.

Still, what difference would it make?
These ancient beasties with their

water driven motion detectors,
thousands and hundreds of million

trillions of magi millions
and scallions of spent worthless money …

they took their own filthy lucre!
Yes!!  i remember completely being

loved by those weaklings
linking sausage casings,

with their joints and  smokey joes
their spent crystal stones,

your heart’s treasure
spent so carelessly,

sewn within a trunk,

Make them go!

I can’t stand their betrayal!
Like it or not you say?

I’ll just stop before
my eyes burn from inside,

before it might get even worse … !

It’s useless!

They’ll just throw it all
in the shit can anyway …

since this is the stink
of all betrayers

with their kind courtesy,
the likers of no mercy,

their words spoken
from outer spice land

while they don’t even know
what to do about it

but lay around and ’round
watching the spinning

wheel …

Chimps to the Left … Third Graders to the Right …. and make it snappy!


jeeze, if words were limited to bare essential words .. bare essential thought .. (like some people want it to be) …. only allowing certain combinations of simpleness to be used … there’d be no use for words … or thought … !!

it’d be like living in 1986 … !

words wouldn’t be words anymore … !!

we’d all be rearranging simple puzzles for everyone to see .. already knowing what they’re meant to be ..

listen … if plentitudes of words … millions and trillions of combinations and thought configurationsm would not be ALLOWED then

silent we would be … we wouldn’t even be allowed to THMINK ..! Like … if shakedspeare and e.e. cummings or me were

equal, where would struggle be?

if the talk we talk does not aim for specificity AND be allowed to meander aimlessly with creative genius … then … what about the future?

what fun would language be fer cryin’ out loud!?

we’d be living inside a vacuum jar of pleureslly complattery … unable to blend the stars at night with ANY kind of pre cognitive

sociality expectorations of orgiastic thought … jeeze … what a fricking waste of time and energy … !

we wouldn’t understand snit!

we couldn’t be at odds with leanings to the right .. we’d BE the right and the right’s ALREADY at odds to lerning … !

we’d ALL be simpletons like they do !!

we’d be so screwed we couldn’t figure out how to put together a Smokey Joe … much less open a bag of briquettes … !!

what WOULD we do during the Super Bowl … ? there wouldn’t even BE a Super Bowl ..

it’d be the ‘Supper Bowl’ … a simpler concept to understand … a national holiday with everyone eating chicken noodle soup!

No … the secret world of reality does not reveal itself with simplicity of thought … ideas against the law…

each pixel of light determines what it is … with words located for each little ‘pix’ …

we HAVE to have them … the future of the planet depends on them … ! i say to people who want to censure word and thought … mind your own

friskiness .,.. !!!

so c’mon fellow scribblers ad finitum … chumps and the like … get published … it’s more than i can say for me … !

if you want to keep it simple be a chimp … or better yet …

visit the average third grade classroom … you’ll be surprised at the genius you’ll see … !


Knowing That We Knew It All Along!

20160713_083016 (1)

it slowly started appearing for a long time

but I didn’t realize it until it appeared all the time

then I thought back and realized that it HAD been appearing …

and i knew it had been appearing

even when it slowly started appearing a long time ago

when I didn’t realize it!
way back when it first started happening

i didn’t realize it at all!

but i KNEW it all the time …

And now it’s here all the time!

I thought back to
when I didn’t realize it

when it slowly started happening
and now, realizing it was happening …

knowing now it happens all the time
i now know i knew it all along!

how funny!

i knew it was appearing!

i knew it was happening!

but i didn’t know it at the time

i KNEW IT ALL ALONG!!!  Ha Ha Ha ……

after all that time!!



Two nights ago I woke suddenly from sleep and caught a glimpse of someone in a black and yellow flannel shirt running down the hallway outside the bedroom.

I was so startled that I woke Jodi telling her excitedly, what I saw.

She naturally told me I was dreaming but I was convinced someone was out there.  I thought maybe it could be Matt or even Jordan since Jordan was spending the night.

I got out of bed to make further inspection.

I turned on a living room light.

I heard Jodi telling me from the bedroom, that I was dreaming.

I looked around and having seen no one felt slightly foolish. I returned to bed telling Jodi how perplexed I was; how sure I was that I had seen someone.

Within minutes I fell back asleep.

The next evening we watched the Stephen King movie, “The Stand” until past 11:00 p.m. Then we read until past eleven thirty. When we finally turned the lights off, I lay on my right side with my eyes open looking out the bedroom door into the hallway.

The door was open exactly the way it had been the night before.

The dream I thought I had suddenly appeared within my mind and I recalled the whole sequence of events most realistically.

I replayed the dream several times in my mind each time looking at it critically.  Was it real?  Or, my imagination?

Suddenly I concluded that the figure running down the hall WAS real!

I realized this because upon inspection last night I had only looked in the living room from the limited perspective at the end of the hallway where I had turned on a living room light.

I reasoned that the evidence to support a phantom dream intruder was not strong enough.

Had I ventured into the dining room then inspected the kitchen and the laundry room and found nothing, I would have had every reason to conclude a non-existent intruder.

But I had done none of those things.

My further conclusion was that my body had perceived danger and had reasoned it best to leave further exploration alone.

Fear washed over me as this sequence of thoughts ticked off.  I became very agitated. My heart was beating and my head throbbed.  I continued to feel in imminent danger.

I got out of bed and crept into the living room. By now it was after midnight. I was wide awake.

I stood in the living room with the lights off trying to make myself invisible looking for movement outdoors. I moved to the sliding glass doors on the north end of the living room peering through the slats for perhaps ten minutes, waiting to see some spectral figure creep across the back yard.

Then I checked all the doors and windows and discovered that the latch on one of the sliding glass doors was faulty.

I went into Matt’s room and fetched a golf club which I laid in the aluminum track hoping this would keep the door from opening.

I was scared and I felt foolish for surely if there was an intruder he was by now perfectly aware of my clumsy attempts to secure my house. He was probably back in the weeds laughing at me.

After securing the door I retired to the couch where in an attempt to find some comfort I grabbed the first book I laid eyes on. I ended up reading several stories from the Apocrapha.

I finally drifted into sleep around 4:30 a.m.

My sleep was characterized by sharp, vivid dreams.

I was on some quest and was being faced with multitudes of challenges. The family was there for part of it.

At one point I had to go into a cave to fetch some round stone like object that was suspended inside of an indentation in the ceiling of the cave.

John was eager to help as he always is but I barked a command at him to stay away from the danger. There were holes inside the cave that he could have slipped into.

The round object was heavy but I prevailed.  Once the round object was retrieved we were able to pass over a small creek that earlier we could not cross.

We succeeded in meeting that challenge.

Continuing along I discovered I had a partner. There was just the two of us. A lithsome girl like figure with great energy and courage. There was a strong bond between us. She needed me and I felt a deep strong need and trust for “her” with a great deal of sexual attraction.

She was undressing and was turned sideways to me. I was transfixed by her girlish breasts as her arms were raised above her head in the most appealing way.

I awoke from sleep the next morning seeing a dark gray sky.

But I didn’t feel confused and muddled as I often do when sleep aludes me. I knew it was because I had ventured deep into my subconscious mind close to a place where energy and awarness emanate.  When this happens a very special clarity of thought results.  This doesn’t happen often.  I never know when it will occur.

I had great clarity of thought that day seeing things ‘below the surface’ with a sense of heightened awareness; brighter colors, making interesting connections.

While waiting to cross Gibralter Street two blocks from where I live a car unexpectedly swerved toward me, then passed directly in front of me coming quite close, as it turned onto Birchcrest Street and continued along, away from where I stood.

I was taken aback by the car’s sudden movement and close proximity.  I wondered if the driver was aware I was standing at the corner waiting to cross.

As the car curved across my field of vision I looked into the pale blue eyes of the driver; a blond haired man of perhaps 27 years.  His chin resting on the window slot gave the impression that his head did not have a body attached to it; a severed head floating inside the car!

It peered at me through the top of its pale gray eyes predatory like.  I felt threatened but refused to look away.

The pale blue eyes had the same pained, scared, guilty look of a criminal on the verge of getting caught. The eyes were frighteningly cold, and expressionless but for the slightest smirk; a look that filled me with a kind of dread I can only describe as sub human rage.

I made a mental note of the license plate; E77-1849 South Carolina and continued watching as the car drove away.

At the end of the first block the car slowed. I took notice and began walking toward the car.

I continued walking toward the car as it slowly drove along the second block.

Toward the end of the second block the left turn blinker began to flash.

“I knew it!” I exclaimed!

I began sprinting across the empty lot toward the street that separated me from the second empty lot that separated me from my house at the middle of the block completely focused on the car with the floating head as it slowly moved toward my house coming  to rest  at the end of the driveway.

Halfway across the second empty lot my heightened sense of awareness told me that … the car was empty.

Oops! Sorry! We’ll Do The World Series After I Tell This Tale of Horror …


It was like a scene from a cheap horror movie except … it was real! I wasn’t dreaming!

At least I didn’t think I was … it was THAT REAL!

End: Prologue
continuing …

It all started around five thirty you know, at the ‘cuspy’ time of day.

(Now i know why they call it the ‘crack between the worlds’. But I didn’t know it at the TIME!)

By the time it ended I was gonna call but, after two hours I still couldn’t catch my breath!

At that point I wasn’t even sure I knew who I was!

The phone wasn’t charged anyway. So, I decided to wait.

In the meantime I wiped out that salad bowl.

I KNOW I know! I know how that pisses you off but, what the hell! It looks like real wood to me!

Besides that … what could I do? I was wide awake!

(To be honest with you I was a little afraid to sleep. “That’s funny!” I thought! “Maybe i WAS sleeping.” hahaha ….. )

End: Post Prologue

continuing …

My skin was still crawling!

Post Post Prologue

continuing …

I was reading that book about Mars. Our Mars it’s called. Out of this world stories about canals and spires and shit like that, when I decided to make a cup of latte.

I like my latte sweet. This time it was a little too sweet but I didn’t think anything of it.

Little did I know!  (Shit like that happens all the time to me.)

See, I didn’t really care.  I was in one of those moods. You know how I get … kind of antsy.

So, like I said, it was ‘cuspy’ out there on the patio.

End: Chapter I

continuing …

I sat down at the little sette’.  I took a couple sips of that sweet latte.

I set the latte on the glass coffee table.

I looked around.

At first I thought, “It’s pretty light out there for being ‘cuspy’,” but within seconds that passed.

I KNEW the sun had shifted because “BAMM!” Like I said, there I was in the cusp!  The “Crack between the worlds!”

Or, like I like to say, ‘The butt crack between the worlds.” hahaha …. Except, at the time I didn’t realize it.

continuing …
Googling Sucubus, Incubus and Vlad the Impaler …

Channeled Thought


I channel my work by
sublime hide and seek/black and white or color
images, sparking in the dark,
the deep, the green of a different reality,
below the surface of reason,
one of those parallel things,
another person who is the ‘’me’’
behind the veils, a shadow

evident/at times.

I wonder if I appear as such to him
with wonder and concern or perplexity
my wonder, my complexity perplexed
by wonder; my thoughts sublimely formed with
all the numbers clustered ‘bout
swarming and changing polarities
within and without/an intricate duality
linked to some
energy force that consumes us

eventually …

lucky we are
that life is but a mirage
all numbers adding up for everything we see/everything described with such

finality … !

With four dimensions, three that we can see .. one more,
that we seek, from worlds of dark

reality …

Life Is A Mirage


… But!  I have the words so why shouldn’t I use them while I still have the time?!..

That said.

You’d think I’d consider the sensibility of the subject totally incoincidental of its meaning don’t you?   But, I don’t.

I was after all, “laced up in the shoes of indistinct possibilities wading over a river on slippery rocks,” that day.  

The sea, the air and all above  had already risen into submission.  With farthest tense possible!

What could I do?  Stand and wait?

Those outraged and out sensed?   THEY were the bright beacons of suspense!

They … and the dark elements of their discoveries were well beyond even the broken strength of steel!!

Night by night they squallored their lives in the material world strengthening their forces making strong, their learning curves arching/in suspense/waiting.

When sun rose that first day came a crack between the cold gray sky.

Came the drama of first sight.

Came feathers etched by first  fire’s light

and their journey began!!

The Case of the Missing Furniture


Chapter I

Thursday morning I think I awoke from what I thought was a dream/doors banging shut echoed throughout the house/the four walls devoid of shadows looked strange and naked; the outlets seemed bored without their plugs.

I knocked on every door and looked inside. Nothing!

Was it a dream?  

Chapter 2

I drank my coffee on the porch the yellow sun on my feet my face in shadow, before I even realized every stick of furniture had disappeared.

I called the police!

Chapter 3

“Something has to be missing for two days before it’s missing,” they said.

“But what if its all on a big semi headed for North Carolina or down by the Swale River holding the asses of some homeless people drinking their muscatel, red stains all over on the arms?’

They left in a huff. “Homeless people are out of our jurisdiction!”

Chapter 4

I remembered seeing the E.M.T. people. Hmmm …  Maybe they were in disguise?

Shit!  Then I remembered!  The E.M.T.’s had visited my house at least ten days prior.

 They told me I was having an anxiety attack. But I disguised my feelings.  I wasn’t going to let them know the chair was a giant hand thrusting up to pull me into some abscess below the foundation of the house. What a ridiculous thought!  I live on a cement slab!!

“But I couldn’t get the thought out of my head.”

Chapter 5

A while later I said good bye despite her offer to tell me everything that happened.

“I’m perfectly happy wondering what happened. I don’t need any answers.”

Chapter 6

I stuck out my thumb. Houses and bison sped by.

Chapter 7

Finally, I arrived!  The door opened.  I stepped inside.

The driver a 30’s something red haired police officer wearing a green uniform her hair pulled back said her name was Devereaux.

“Where are you taking me?” I asked.

She smiled, “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

“Well yes but … does this have anything to do with
my missing furniture ….. ?”

Where’s My Passport … ? Look Under the Underwear You Idiot … !

I was conflicted …

should i return the money or go on a spending spree … ?


i could have gone to Brazil or

Paraguay or even

Chechnia but …

i couldn’t find my passport … !


i looked all over the place … !


i got so tired of looking i said

‘screw it!  i’ll stay home and watch the

Ali Foreman fight on t.v.’ … !


… the fight was cancelled which

really pissed me off … but,

i found a Looney Tunes cartoon festival which was

even better … !

i wasn’t two minutes into the first

Woody Woodpecker cartoon when

the door bell

rang …


… two guys told me they were from the


they asked me if i knew a certain woman

on the 5th floor …

i told them i did then …

“whew!”  i said,

”i thought you were looking for me … !”


they started asking me questions …


they said they liked me and everything but

they had to take me to

headquarters for

processing … !


the younger guy on the left smiled,

“It won’t take long …”

the older guy, on the right

stared hard at me …

his eyes slightly squinted …

the left to right movement of his head …

 barely visible …


i asked if i could take a few

things with me …

the guy on the right said, “no … !‘’

the younger guy smiled and said, ‘’why not?”

the older guy said … ”well, ok …

… but make it quick … (!)

we haven’t got all day!’’


i grabbed my Detroit Tigers souvenir program (when they

beat St. Louis for the world series … )

my favorite t-shirt and

an extra pair of

jeans …


that’s when i discovered my passport

(‘’oh shit,’’ … i thought .. “there’s my frickin’ passport … !!”)

under my underwear where i

put it for safe

keeping  … !


after i locked the apartment door …

(as we were leaving)

i said, ‘’…  what about the woman on the fifth floor?’’

they looked at each other … then

back at me …

the older agent who stared at me

smiled and said,

’’she’s an IRS agent … we were

meeting her for

lunch … !’’


the younger guy who earlier had smiled

barely shook his head from side to

side …his eyes


mine …