There Was His Face

There was his face …

A mixture of youthful mirth, his right eyebrow a calligraphy flare at the end of a sentence, his mouth twisted into a half smile, his head cocked to the side, mischeviousness written all over the place. A question mark at the end of his eyes that said, you don’t know what I’m thinking do you?

When he looked into her his eyes his face lost expression.

He saw the color and its dark circle corona and the black pool he fell  into.

She stared back . Her benign smile said, “What’s on your mind?”

Waiting …..

Tell me about your excellent day?

“I spoke softly and the vibrations went into people and made them feel good.”

Waiting …

“There were plenty of smiles and laughter. It felt like I was spreading something around. It seemed like people were flowers that hadn’t had water in a week. I gave them a drink of Miracle Grow and they perked up for a bit… took in a little more sunshine. It seems strange that I can pass all this positivity around but i can’t spread it to myself. Fear still lurks. Fear can pounce without warning. A crystal vase that can fall and shatter in a heart beat.”

I know his states of mind the way he thinks … his moods, both bright AND dark but I only see his light. Only HE knows and sees the dark.

Waiting …..

So you were fearful a lot of the time?

“Fear!!… that common concoction that mixes so well with just about any situation?”

You have nothing to fear. This I’ve never understood.

“My feelings? My thoughts are a river that carries a river boat. The boat is my physical self. It and I float along on the feelings that are beneath. They are the feelings I have at that moment …….. But, no matter what you think … you know it’s bigger … It’s the river and then … well you know. There’s so much more. The river is a constant force … a powerful force. But there are forces that control the river!

Waiting …

And, when you have a day like today what’s it like?

“The guys in the engine room had that engine running smooth. The fuel injectors were working perfectly. I was at the helm of the ship. I took it to different places and I was in complete control although, I only thought I was. The engine was still in control but the river controlled the engine …. still … everything ran smooth for a change. Even the boat thought it was in control but it wasn’t. But, it was so great! I steered into little coves and inlets. I explored little communities along this journey.”

“I can stop for a while, and even get out of myself. You know … get out of the boat … for a change.”

Waiting .,…. Thinking …..

“That’s when I can stand back … apart from ‘ME’ … I SEE the world …. not ‘ME’ … for what it is. That damn ”Me” … it’s always getting in the way of things … .”

“I can watch the river flow by and I understand it better. I see logs out there on swirly sub currents. Murky water, whirlpools for crying out loud! I don’t even want to go there!”

“I don’t know where the source of that fucking river is. I ask myself, what is the source of that raging river? A little stream like the mighty Mississippi? Or, does it bubble to the surface of the earth from some dark, black place within the planet? Maybe I was born in that black place and bubbled up with the black water … ?

Waiting … Smiling ….

“… Although, there are times most often when the river is clear and runs smooth and it’s a pleasure to coast along at a slow enough pace that the world looks beautiful and you have time to see it as a wonderful montage ….. .”

Nick and Jessica: TSA, Latinos, Playgrounds, Pocket Knives, Ricky Ricardo, Field Hockey and Blowing Water Out of Your Mouth Like They Do In Those Old Funny Movies

images-6…. so, the TSA guys were Cuban or whatever and we were having this bullshit conversation yukking it up about knives and shoe bombs. Everyone was Latino and they looked at me all askance probably surprised since white people are such tight asses.  Maybe they were surprised they found one who didn’t really give a shit about walking around keagling all day.

That’s quite a generalization about white people don’t you think?

Ok so, I told you about the knife right?   I didn’t even see this coming. One of the baggage agents at the check in counter … I swear he looked exactly like Ricky … what’s his name the singer …


Noooooo, you dumb shit.  Whatever ….. the guy volunteers to go out to the plane with my pocket knife,  find my bag and put the knife in my bag! Wow …

And you attribute this to …

I had just arrived at that particular playground. These guys were standing around looking bored. So, we played a game and we had a good time. The cool thing is, it was just another playground in town. I might not ever go back there again but … that’s beside the point.

Ok Nick. It’s a small town … what are you trying to say … life is a small town? It’s a playing field … does this have anything to do with field hockey?  I used to play field hockey, you know.

Field hockey! Field hockey! (Nick chuckles, his stomach bumps up and down), Jeeeeezus Jessica, he says shaking his head then keening .. You make me laugh …

Pause for composure.

Aren’t you lucky stupid is funny Jessica? Like, what if you were really smart? (Nick quietly explains. A serious look on his face.) You probably wouldn’t be HALF as funny.  ……….. if you were smart I mean.

Jessica’s mouth is pulled to the side.

Nick sips water from a glass he’s holding.
Jessica’s eyes are beaming.
Turning, she slowly walks away.
Nick holds the glass to his mouth barey drinking thinking, watching wondering …
Jessics turns the corner.  Gone from sight.
Nick continues to drink water.
Jessica’s face looks around the corner at Nick.

Nick is caught totally by surprise.  His mouth full of water, unable to control himself,  he sprays water into the air:  a combination of mist and large drops and some residual dripping down his chin.

Nick and Jessica are both laughing.

“That’ll teach you to make fun of me.”

Did you see that?! I thought they only did that in movies … hahahah ….

Nick moves closer.. stops two feet away then, closer …

Nick and Jessica are nose to nose all but touching their eyes fixated, smiles on their faces

Nick whispers under his breath ….