Where’s My Passport? Look Under the Underwear You Idiot!

I was conflicted.  Should I return the money or go on a spending spree?

I thought about going to Brazil or Paraguay or even Chechnia but, I couldn’t find my freeking passport!

I looked all over the place!

I got so tired of looking I said, “Screw it!  I’ll stay home and watch the Ali Foreman fight on T.V.!”

The fight was cancelled which really pissed me off.  But, I found a Looney Tunes cartoon festival which was even better.

I wasn’t two minutes into the first Woody Woodpecker cartoon when the door bell rang.

Two guys told me they were from the IRS.  They asked me if i knew a certain woman on the 5th floor.

I told them I did then, “Whew! I thought you were looking for me!”

They started asking me questions.  They said they liked me and everything but they had to take me to headquarters for processing!

The younger guy on the left smiled, “It won’t take long.”  The older guy on the right stared hard at me his eyes slightly squinted, a left to right movement of his head barely visible.

I asked if I could take a few things with me.

The guy on the right said, “No way!‘’

The younger guy smiled and said, ‘’Why not?”

The older guy said,”Well, OK.  But make it snappy!  We haven’t got all day!’’

I grabbed my Detroit Tigers souvenir program (the year they beat St. Louis for the world series), my favorite t-shirt and an extra pair of jeans.

That’s when i discovered my passport!

“Oh shit!” I thought.  “There’s my frickin’ passport!! Under my underwear where I put it for safe keeping!”

After locking the apartment door (as we were leaving)  I said, “What about the woman on the fifth floor?’’

They looked at each other then back at me.

The older agent who stared hard at me smiled and said,  “She’s an IRS agent.  We were meeting her for lunch!’’

The younger guy who earlier had smiled barely shook his head from side to side his eyes piercing into mine.

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  1. Sohair

    Nice piece of art…why did they take you to the headquarters then?


    1. midcenturyman

      In answer to your question why did they take the person to headquarters for ‘processing’ I’ll ask you the question, why did the main character in “Metamorphosis” wake up one day as a giant cock roach? …. . It’s the absurd nature of life. The world we live in makes no sense! The entire story I wrote makes no sense whatsoever. why would anyone want to go to Chechnia? Where did this money come from? didi he steal it, did someone give it to him? was he scared because he owed ‘back taxes’? why did the guy show such paranoia over the men who knocked on his door asking a simple question? did he have a ‘persecution complex”. what does the term ‘processing’ mean? why would someone hide their passport under their underwear for safe keeping? why did the two ‘agents’ switch personalities at the end? It’s all about ‘absurdity’. we go through our lives often not knowing what we are doing or why we’re doing it then, become confused and befuddled by the world within which we live. ALSO … there are plenty of loose ends in this story, which is clear. since they’re loose ends, you can supply any details from your own interpretation you want. in this respect, it becomes ‘art’ which … the definition of art means it expands your ‘inner world’ … it touches you on a deeper level, it allows you to see the world through your OWN lens … an interface between your perception of the work and your own unique inner world. It’s about ‘absurdity’ …. the things I write that I call ‘absurd’ are comments about the world at large which …. you have to admit, IS absurd and makes no sense. …… Nothing was said about throwing the guy in jail therefore, why would the guy take an extra pair of jeans and a stupid old Detroit Tigers t shirt? Are these things a person typically takes to jail? ok then, why did he choose those items to take with him when he was being ‘processed’? it makes no sense yet ….. Donald trump elected president of the United States is absurd and makes no sense either ….. as does the around me! Does it make sense to deport children who have grown up in the US because their parents came here for a better life? Does it make sense to NOT value those immigrants who come here under the harshest travails? It makes sense to me, to have respect for these people who risk so much to be here. So, do his actions make sense?? no! they’re absurd! ……. at the end of the story the two agents switch personalities …. why? who knows? this is my way of saying, absurdity is every changing impossible to pin down …. you can’t keep up with the absurdity of the world because it constantly keeps evolving into other forms of absurdity. I guess you could substitute the word ‘irony’ with ‘absurdity’. Irony is a good way to look at the world since, supposedly irony is the basis for humor therefore, if you can see the irony in the world you can rise above life’s absurd nature, shake your head and laugh or chuckle at the insane nature of life …. . it’s a lot easier to find much of life just plain crazy funny. crazy funny like ….. “you hid your passport under your underwear for safe keeping and you change your underwear every day but you forgot your passport was beneath the next pair of underwear down there when you needed it the most?” the absurdity of this world can keeps morphing. there are no meaningful answers to most of life’s questions. the strange thing being, when we DO have correct reasons and good answers … they never see the light of day …. which makes life even more absurd, doesn’t it? The world is turned upside down. At the end of the day absurdity triumphs over what is good and right ….. absurd isn’t it?! …. dear ms Sohair …. thank you so much for your comment especially since I hardly ever get comments and when I do they’re not the kind that I can respond to. Thanks so much …. bottom line is ….. the absurd pieces I write … (read London Broil and It All Happened That Night) are comments about the absurd, insane lives we live …. lives of absurdity that we might not even know we live! thank you again so much, you’ve given me a chance to explain and maybe I’ll use it as a post and when/if I do I’ll certainly provide a link and hopefully you’ll get some traffic from it! thanks again …. ks

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Sohair

        Hats off sir :-)
        I respect your philosophy :-)


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