I was conflicted. Should I return the money or go on a spending spree?
I thought about going to Brazil or Paraguay or even Chechnia but, I couldn’t find my freeking passport!
I looked all over the place!
I got so tired of looking I said, “Screw it! I’ll stay home and watch the Ali Foreman fight on T.V.!”
The fight was cancelled which really pissed me off. But, I found a Looney Tunes cartoon festival which was even better.
I wasn’t two minutes into the first Woody Woodpecker cartoon when the door bell rang.
Two guys told me they were from the IRS. They asked me if i knew a certain woman on the 5th floor.
I told them I did then, “Whew! I thought you were looking for me!”
They started asking me questions. They said they liked me and everything but they had to take me to headquarters for processing!
The younger guy on the left smiled, “It won’t take long.” The older guy on the right stared hard at me his eyes slightly squinted, a left to right movement of his head barely visible.
I asked if I could take a few things with me.
The guy on the right said, “No way!‘’
The younger guy smiled and said, ‘’Why not?”
The older guy said,”Well, OK. But make it snappy! We haven’t got all day!’’
I grabbed my Detroit Tigers souvenir program (the year they beat St. Louis for the world series), my favorite t-shirt and an extra pair of jeans.
That’s when i discovered my passport!
“Oh shit!” I thought. “There’s my frickin’ passport!! Under my underwear where I put it for safe keeping!”
After locking the apartment door (as we were leaving) I said, “What about the woman on the fifth floor?’’
They looked at each other then back at me.
The older agent who stared hard at me smiled and said, “She’s an IRS agent. We were meeting her for lunch!’’
The younger guy who earlier had smiled barely shook his head from side to side his eyes piercing into mine.