Once again he was saddened by the thought that, “She never thinks i’m funny!“
Most of the things HE thought were funny, SHE thought were either stupid or sexually degenerate.
She hated the word ‘’shit’’ which he thought was the funniest word in the English language!
And she didn’t think sex was funny which he thought was even funnier than the word shit!
She used to say, “I don’t appreciate your barnyard humor.’’
He remembered the time she stormed out of the room after he said, “I’d love to be able to fly like a bird but, I wouldn’t want to BE a bird because when they have sex it’s over after a couple of quick thrusts!”
She said something over her shoulder as she stormed out of the room. All he heard was, “Compared to you.” He didn’t catch the rest.
Strange as it seems, he chuckled at the craziness of the situation.
“IT’S OK she doesn’t get it most of the time!’’ he thought. “’Fer crying out loud you can’t connect on everything!”
Still, he hoped that occasionally she’d laugh at what he DID or SAID to BE funny instead of the unintentional things that happened which she thought were hilarious!
Like the time he was carrying the groceries in from the car, tripped over that stupid exercise ball she never used, fell and separated his shoulder!
She laughed so hard she didn’t even hear his pleas to call 911!
“I can’t,” she replied laughing hysterically, “I just peed my pants!”
Through the haze of pain he thought, “Well, at least she’s laughing!”
But then she got pissed because the exercise ball hit a nail and went flat.
As she walked out of the room the last thing he heard was, ‘’Call 911 yourself you clumsy ass hole. It’s your own damn fault! “
He had to fish the phone out of his back pocket. Which isn’t an easy task when you’re lying on the floor with a separated shoulder.
But the battery was dead!
A moment later she came back into the kitchen.
She began picking up the groceries but she ignored him.
“But you’ve never used that thing!”, he said through clenched teeth, in pain on the floor.
Pleadingly he pleaded, “It’s bleached out from lying outside in the sun for TWO YEARS! I made a landscape ornament out of that damn thing after the first year!”
She stared at him like she was in deep thought. Then, glaring at him through narrowed eyes she replied, “Well, I WAS thinking of joining that zumba class starting next week!”
Then she got huffy again. “Ohhh … Why don’t you just put the damned groceries away yourself?!”
She stormed out of the kitchen a second time.
Despite the pain he managed to say rather loudly, ‘’But honey, zumba doesn’t USE exercise balls!’’
Just before the front door closed behind him he heard her yell, ’’Good! I didn’t want to take that stupid class anyway!”
He opened the driver side door of the Mustang, sat sideways butt first, slowly rotated his body while holding his right arm tightly with his left hand until he faced the front of the car.
His right arm was useless and it was impossible to reach across the steering wheel to the shift knob and steer at the same time, so he had to drive the Mustang in first gear all the way to the hospital five miles away!
While it seemed strange to him at the time and despite the pain, he laughed all the way to the hospital.