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-1-

It all started that night when I wasn’t sure what she was asking me!

I thought it had something to do with skiing!?

I didn’t know WHAT she was thinking but I didn’t want to say anything.

I thought maybe we were supposed to be meeting Dick and Jeannie for a night out at the lodge!

Or maybe it had something to do with that scheduled court date?

When you get right down to it, it didn’t make any difference to me.  As far as I was concerned, it was six of one and one of those bakers dozen of the other. (I heard someone say that once. It put a smile on my face.)

So i said, “OK!”

You know, I had to be positive!

I KNOW how she is about that ‘being positive’ stuff. She’s always stressing it so much which well, most of the time I think I AM positive but, does a little more than 50% of the time mean most of the time?  I’m not sure.

So I kept my mouth shut.  I didn’t want to hurt her feelings!

Later that evening we drove out to the lodge.

– 2-

It was a cold night! I mean, it was cold as hell! It felt like there was ice between my jacket and my shirt!

She had that mink thing on but it only covered her neck!

We stood outside waiting for about a half hour!

Finally I said, ‘’Where in the hell are Dick and Jeannie?“

She got that quizzical look on her face!  “UH-OH,” I thought.  “Here comes another one of her zingers!”

 “I’m freezing my tukkus off!”  she said. “You told me it wouldn’t be that cold!”

 I knew I had done no such thing so I said, “I did no such thing!’’

 So she says, “That’s what I’m talkin’ about!”

 She was so angry she spit the words right out out at me!

I didn’t want to be rude.  So I took the blame.

“I’m sorry,” I said.   “If I would have known … ”

Pause …

 “I thought Dick and Jeannie were going to meet us here anyway!”

“Dick and Jeannie?! Fer Christ’s sake, they’re the last people I want to see on a night like this!”

Pause … then,

“Why don’t we go inside where the  fireplace is and have a brandy?” she said.

I shrugged my shoulders.  “Why not? Maybe we could have a nice steak afterward?”

She said the food at the lodge was lousy.

Then I thought won’t she be surprised?! I didn’t think there was a fireplace over there! (It’s one of the worst lodges in town!  And it’s not that big of a town!” )

Then I remembered it was Sunday and I was pretty sure they weren’t serving liquor on Sunday!

Boy was she mad!!

(That was about the funniest thing that happened all day! You should have seen the look on her face! It was pure irony!)

 -3-

We got home around nine thirty.

She was angry and wouldn’t speak to me.

“You knew all along didn’t you!” she said.

“Kind of.  But I was hoping that … well, you know how it is.”

Pause …

But she didn’t believe a word I said!

To make matters worse, the pilot light blew out and we didn’t have any god forsaken matches!  The ones we had were wet!

Then she got sick!

I thought at first she might be pregnant.

I asked her but as soon as the words spilled out of my mouth I realized we hadn’t had sex in over a year!

-4-

She cried after that.

“I wasn’t going to tell you,” she said in between sobs and retching.  “I’m pregnant with Dick’s baby!”

“What a relief,” I thought.  I’d been wanting to break up with her for almost five years!

That son of a bitch Dick had actuality done me a favor!

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