Another look at Nick and Jessica sparring about their favorite subject.  Sex!  Sex and laughing!  “Wull, they’re almost the same aren’t they,” says Nick.  Must be so.  It looked like they both were having orgasms a while ago even though they were laughing.  You be the judge ..

O.K. so, let me get this straight.  You are going to tell me some important definitive facts about male sexuality that you learned in some bogus college level sex-ed class you took, that I would have known about since, we both went to the SAME SCHOOL!

Nick stares into his coffee cup, a smile on his face.

What I really think is, you’re going tell me some bullshit story you thought of after we relived the time I fell off my chair laughing in geometry class when you told me that stupid  ‘two dogs fucking’ joke.

Nick and Jessica both chuckle.  Jessica looks at Nick.

Why don’t you share with me some of the high points you learned in this class Nick like,  maybe you learned the finer points of putting a freeking condom on or, the chemical composition of latex vs sheepskin?

In case you’re wondering Jessica, this was a real class that was held over next to the field house.  The class had mostly jocks in it.  I guess it was a pretty well kept secret so that only jocks could take it for an easy A.

That makes sense.  They could major in Fly Tying with a minor in Sex Ed. right Nick?

Pause … Nick in repose.

Nick, I don’t believe a word you’re going to tell me but … you might make me laugh so what the hell.  Let me have it.  

Wull, like I said, those jock classes were a well kept secret.  I took another class over there with all jocks called ‘Principles of Safety’.  Both classes were easy A’s for those guys.  Wull … for me too!

Principles of Safety!  Oh my God!  They should have combined the two classes into one Nick.  A lot of girls were getting knocked up back when girls got married when they got pregnant.  I pity those girls who had to marry those asshole jocks just because they didn’t know the finer points of how to put a condom on … I think they could have used a couple of those principles of safety don’t you?

Good God Jessica.  You’re ridiculous.  (Nick has a half smile on his face.)

Suddenly Nick’s eyes light up.

So, are you telling me you know a lot about about the sex life of jocks and condoms and that sort of thing?  Are you telling me you’ve had a lot of experiences with ….

You know me better than that!  NOT EXPERIENCES WITH NICK you dork ass!  It’s what I HEARD!  You forget, I’ve had a lot of female roomates who constantly astounded me with their stories about men.

Pause …

Like, did you know that men completely lose their sense of time when they have sex? They think that 3 or 4 minutes is like, a half hour.  And they think that this, (Jessica holds up her thumb and forefinger about 3 inches apart) is six inches! And they say men are better at math?

That’s not math Jessica it’s geometry.

Shut up!

That’s a pretty funny statement especially when  you’re always saying, ”Not that size matters.”

Jessica glares at Nick, her lips compressed in mock defiance.

Jessica!  Jeeze, think of all the first hand knowledge you could have brought into that class.  It’s too bad you didn’t know about it.

I was just thinking of some of the teaching aids that prof probably used.  Way too strange to even think about.  There’s this one vision I have,  it’s a large display comparing a sheep’s vag …..

It was nothing like that Jessica! It was more serious in nature than that ….

Serious in nature!  Ha ha HA .. Oh my fricking Herbie Hancock Nick!  I can just imagine a roomful of dumb ass jocks learning about condoms and sheep and space and time.

Nick looks at Jessica with a serious look on his face.

So,  now you’re telling me college level sex-ed is serious business!  Highly intellectual right?

Pause.  Nick looks down.

Or maybe you’re confused.  Maybe the learning experiences you had actually took place at your apartment that one semester you got lucky a couple of times.

Pause …

For crying out loud Nick!  Going to school for 4 years was a fucking sex ed workshop in itself wasn’t it?  Mhmmm, that’s a special way of putting it.

(Jessica’s forehead is furrowed.  she appers to be deep in thought).

Jessica turns her head to the right.  She mutters under her breath,  ”Christ almighty … the only people qualified to teach sex ed are women.  Most men don’t know shit about sex even after they find out they don’t know shit!”  Jessica shakes her head.   She moves her elbow further to her left so she can get a better view of Nick’s  face.  

Nick looks into his coffee cup.  If you look closely at the subtle expression on his face you can see he is enjoying everything Jessica says.

Look closer and it’s obvious that Nick is trying hard to suppress his laughter.

Jessica places her right elbow on the breakfast bar.  The back of her head rests on the palm of her hand so she can see Nick’s face better.

Nick!  Look a me!  You know you’re full of shit don’t you?

Does it matter Jessica? (Nick bites his lower lip to conceal his amusement.)

Jessica can tell that soon they will both start laughing.

Nick and Jessica call fits of laughter ‘laugh orgasms’.  At this point, Jessica realizes she is in the throes of experiencing a laugh orgasm.

Nick tells Jessica he seduces her into laugh orgasms.  ‘It’s the foreplay of my words that control you completely, Jessica.”  He calls her a ‘nympho-laugh-a-maniac’  which is funny to them no matter how many times he says it.

“I can always tell when you’re gonna lose control Jess.  You look like you’re going to pee your pants.  Then your face gets really red and you have this pleading look.  When you can’t talk anymore I see tears forming along the bottom of your eye lids.  That’s when know I’ve gotten into (what Nick calls) your laugh crack.”

Nick and Jessica usually cackle about the term ‘nympho-laugh-o-maniac”.   Nick shortened the term.  He calls her a ”nympho”.  Jessica usually says,

‘’ I don’t care!  I don’t give a shit if I’m a laugh nympho Nick!  Give it to me baby!  I can’t get enough! ”  

Jessica does an imitation of James Brown, “I’m proud, I’m white and i’m a nympho!  I’m white and I’m a nympho.”   

Jessica continues her diatribe.  Nick listens patiently, a smirk on his face.

 Jessica’s face is getting  red.  Her voice is starting to come from her throat but with a hysterical tone.

I know a couple of girls who had enough life experiences that they would have had their masters degree in sex-ed by the time they graduated in four years.  Don’t they call that klepping?  You know, when you get credit for a class when you’ve have enough life experience in that area?

I don’t ….

Jessica looks pensive.

Actually, these girls could have had their fucking Phd’s in Sex Ed. within 4 years.  Hey!  That’s a great name for a degree in that area, don’t you think? 

What?  Dr. of Sex Education?

No Nick, you dork ass!  A Fucking Phd!

Nick and Jessica dissolve into laughter.  Nick’s elbows rest on the breakfast bar. His head rests against the fingers and thumb of his hands on either side of his face.  His eyes are squinted shut.

Jessica’s head is thrown all the way back against the top of her spine.  Her eyes are closed while her mouth is open with laughter.  (Nick says the true measure of any orgasm,  physical or from laughter,  is when your head is thrown back and your mouth is open)

After 30 seconds or so,  Nick and Jessica embrace and sway side to side while laughing.

When their laughter subsides  they pull back and look at each other.  Jessica’s cheeks are tear stained.

“Gosh Nick.  That was really good.  That was the best I’ve had in a long time. ….. Uumm …  Let’s do it again.’’

Nick and Jessica break down while continuing to laugh.