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Hey how ‘ya doin’?  ……  Oh yeah? ….. Me too. …..  Well, hey listen!  Last night I laid on the couch watching movies and dozing until three thirty.  So, I had like, three hours sleep. This morning when i got up I was shocked by what I saw in the mirror. I should have spent the rest of the day in bed with the curtains closed, the lights off and no mirrors in the room.  I looked like shit!

Couldn’t look that bad? ….. You don’t believe me?! …..  Wull, let’s put it this way.  It looked like I had aged about 5 … maybe 10 years.  Hell, maybe more! … Pause … I was afraid to look at myself in the light after I peed so it’s possible I looked even older.

What? …… How old? ….. Hell, I don’t know,  it’s anybodies guess although I wouldn’t want anybody to guess.  …..  Why? ….. Anybody who knows me would think my real name is Dorian Fucking Gray that’s why! … Pause … . I don’t know, man.  I might even look like I’m 100!  I could probably get a job with a carnival as the oldest looking middle aged man in history, that’s how nasty I look.

Couldn’t be that bad? …… Pause …  Well, let’s just say, you wouldn’t want to be seen with me in public.  People would mistake you for a health care worker with a patient on his last legs.  Maybe they’d want information from you about hospice.

Hey, I gotta go man.  I’m feelin’ my age.  The couch awaits my sleepy body.  Take it easy, ok?  …  What? …  Wull, Shit!  You take care of it ok?  I’m too tired.  Later dude ….